Fat Legs, Vicious Lovebirds, and Drowning Mermaids: 8 True Facts About My Youth

I am not making any of this up.

Myrtle

“When I grow up, I want to be a cheerleader,” a girl in my kindergarten said.

“Me, too!” I chimed.

“With those legs?” she asked.

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When I was little, I’d put my legs together to form a “fin” and practice “swimming like a mermaid” across the pool. It wasn’t an efficient water traversing method.

Asian-Danger

My aunt & uncle left the electric fence around their sheep enclosure on when we were visiting. I climbed on it. I later asked why the fence “felt funny” and everyone panicked.

Full relaxation weekend.

This week has featured quite  a few setbacks:

  • My dog needed some gross hygiene stuff. (This has been addressed in a previous entry.)
  • My car broke. (It’s at the shop.)
  • My pipes froze. (We got a space heater for the unheated part of the basement.)
  • The Thai place down the street changed its menu. (There’s no solution to this problem! Worst ever!)

This weekend is designated Recovery Time.

I celebrated by going antiquing. Believe it or not, this was my husband’s suggestion.

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The upper right image has a circus punk. I wanted it very badly. My life partner was ambivalent. I might go back for it — even if it frightens guests (Perhaps especially if it frightens guests.)

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This is very alluring, no? Facebook thinks I should have bought it, but I’m not sure where I’d hang it.

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No Central Pennsylvania thrift/antique store is complete without Nazi paraphernalia, sadly. (Interesting to note: such items are banned in France & Germany).

The “Big Otto, Blood Sweating Hippo” poster was not for sale. Take my money!  

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While we were there, we ran into friends of ours. In case you were wondering, I’m a big hit with children because I’m about their emotional age.

This weekend’s on the right track. The horrible stinging sensation from the past five business days has begun to recede. There’s a plan to make tacos tomorrow, which will complete the cleansing process.

If you thought the movie Child’s Play was creepy, you may not like this post.

Yesterday was a general look at antiques, but today we delve specifically into dolls and figurines.

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Sorry if this gives you the heebie-jeebies.

Onward.

Z-Couples

^ “Look at those boys over there. Think they’ll buy us drinks?”

AA-NotTonight

^ “Not tonight, honey,” he said. “I have a headache.”

AA-PeeWee

^ Remember the PeeWee Herman show? So creepy. I don’t know that managed to be on TV for so long.

Wanna get creepier? How about the destroyed dolls below?

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OH HELL NO.

Or clowns?

Z-CLOWNS

^ Pet Cemetery called. It wants its hell-hounds back.

Z-Robo9t

^ Would you feel better if you played with a confusing math robot?

AA-War

^ These guys were part of a war display. Gulf War, maybe? I’m not sure.

Speaking of international students…

Z-International

The language these Chinese characters are reading are literally blobs. The people who made those figurines didn’t even try to research what the symbols looked like whatsoever. (Kind of like most people who get Asian symbols tattooed on them.) (Oh snap!)

Also, these Dutch set is precious.

Actual people from Holland are probably thinking, “There’s more to us than clogs and windmills, dammit!” but I’m having none of it.

Are you afraid of dolls? If so, why? Are you concerned they’re going to kill you in your sleep? Because that’s a possibility.

An intense, investigative report on cool old stuff

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This weekend, fabulous ladies Dana, Ava, and Alice went antiquing with me on the quest for the Perfect Old Thing. We didn’t know what we were looking for, but we sure found a lot of neat swag.

AVA

^ Ava, who plays the piano, gravitated to the instruments every time. For this one, you tap your fingers on the metal bars to make the sound come out. The diagram inside showed how to play “Mary Had A Little Lamb.”

A-businesscard

^ How cool is this business card and holder combo? I wish I’d thought of this.

Chris Snyder’s booth (each area is owned by a different person) had a lot of weird, weird stuff in it, like…

Hitler-Toilet

^ Hitler getting flushed down a toilet, and a great hat rack. It’s weird to see Hitler drawn in sort of a 1940s early-Disney cartoon style.

Alice

^ Speaking of weird… we’re secretly children. Or maybe not so secretly. Here’s Alice trying on a werewolf mask and holding up an illustrated wheelchair image. (I feel like that man would be eight feel tall if he stood.)

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^ I love that antiques stores sell random collections of things, like jars of old crayons and rusty souvenir spoons. There is, without question, someone out there who thinks this stuff isn’t waste. (I don’t understand the spoon thing. Sorry, spoon collectors. At least the crayons you could hypothetically draw with.)

A-Highbrow-lowbrow

^ The drop between highbrow and lowbrow is very steep.

On the left is beautiful calligraphy for a child born in Zion, Pennsylvania (note: this is a real place); on the right is the design history of beer can packaging.

I love that the world both has and needs both types of lettering. Both the personal and the commercial are beautiful — though in this case, don’t you want to eat that birth certificate like a delicate soufflé?

Have you found anything good in the thrifts or antiques stores lately, Internet?

If you liked this post, you might want to check these antiques/thrifting posts out: Bellefonte Victorian Christmas, How to Level Up In Thrifting, and Enter the dressing room with me!