We need to talk about the slime cube.

Back when people picked on me for being a nerd, I said defensively, “Well, at least I’m not one of those, you know, Dungeons and Dragons people.”

It’s always nice to have someone below you. (Please see chart at end of post.)

Alas. I have now joined the least cool kids.

I-Am-Not-Cool

Last Saturday was dreary, so I spent the afternoon with a large group of friends attacking the fuck out of some wolves and dragon-people and…

sigh…

a giant slime cube or some shit.

Fuck-You-Cube

(Cube image via source)

We need to talk about this slime cube. It was difficult to defeat; there was nothing behind it; and I will never, ever get that hour of my life back.

Hanging-Out

(Yeah. My character had a war pony. Jelly?)

On the whole, the experience was a little dry. It was a lot of rolling dice and consulting charts. Also, nobody knew what they were doing. The quest was meaningless and our introductory-level characters took forever to defeat really basic villains.

Which, of course, made me think: I could design one of these games and it would be better.

Like, there could be a haunted library, puzzles, plot twists, and monsters far cooler than a motherfucking gelatinous cube.

characters

I don’t really care for the  fighting aspect. I want, like, literary references. And elves.

So I started drawing some concept art. Obviously. It’s how I deal with my problems, okay? 

Four-More

I’m pretty excited about this. I just need victims test subjects friends to play through it.

Addendum: here’s that chart I was talking about. It doesn’t have role-players on it, but you get the idea.

geekchartbig

Poor furries. Everyone hates on furries. Of course, that doesn’t stop them from hanging out in my town. (Please read that article. If it doesn’t cause you any glee, you are dead inside.)

All right, keep on keepin’ on, weirdos. Feel free to make fun of me in the comments if you must.