Even fully-fledged, grown-ass human beings can find the mall frustrating sometimes.
Here are 10 tips to streamline your shopping experience for less low self-esteem, poverty, and regret.
Can we all get together and agree, as a society, that Christmas shopping isn’t the most pleasurable? Like, what do you get someone who already has everything, or someone who has various interests and styles?
Today’s Christmas Suggestion For Difficult People is: bullet jewelry.
It’s weird. It straddles that line between “country person who kills deer” and “girly girl.” You’d think that line would be a mile wide, right? But it’s not.
Even the anti-violence hippie among us might like the irony of a deactivated bullet transformed into a flower.
1. Owls by Jectz (currently out of stock, but they have a lot of other awesome stuff).
3. With ornate silver around the bullets, by Laura Lynns, $20-30ish
4. “Kiss My Brass” bracelet by BlingItOnBulletDZign, $85
5. “Big Bang” bracelet by RahyaJewelryDesigns, $175
6. Jewelry by Bullet Designs, LLC (this bracelet currently out of stock)
More suggestions to come in future posts! Enjoy!
Nothing makes you feel crotchety like Halloween night in a college town when you’re 30+.
After giving candy out to the cutest kids ever (my friends brought a conductor, an owl, and Bjork in a swan dress to our house), Hubs and I decided that evening bar-hopping was in order so we could see grown-up costumes.
All we got was apathy and tiny dresses.
“Oh look,” my husband pointed out at one moment, “it’s Willie Wonka, Oompa Loompas, and a douche!”
That’s all right, though: all of the winners of the 2013 Costume Awards went to people at my improv troupe’s annual party (the same people who held the 1920s party). This year’s improv party is tonight.
The theme is Harry Potter.
I was asked to contribute some Mad Mad Skeelz to create a Hogwarts moving painting wall.
Check out these progress shots!
Here we can see basic lines and shapes getting blocked in. Colors are nothing without highlights and lowlights, though.
Now it’s coming together! In the first picture, I added the black detailing; in the second, I brought out the bright spots and added in some white outlining. Now it’s time for the witches and wizards to arrive and get sorted.
Speaking of sorting, here’s a list of Halloween trick-or-treat costumes that came to our house.
I’m glad I wrote the costumes down; now I’ll always be able to remember our first Halloween in our new house.
I’d like to take a second on the swan dress.
I could link you to the slew of articles about oddly sexy little girl costumes, but anyone who’s been in a store that sells costumes already knows. Little boys wear clothing. Little girls (and college-age girls) wear skimpy, leg-baring sexualized slips.
Not this costume. This is a perfect kid’s costume. It is age-appropriate, cute, creative, girly but not aggressively so, and warm. If you knew about Bjork’s VMA antics, it’s hilarious. If you don’t, it’s just a pretty swan. It works on a bunch of levels.
Of course, it helps that I’m a fan of both Bjork and the mom who made it.
The only drawback to this costume is that it’s not in my size.
More of the best costumes of 2013 will be posted later in the weekend after the improv party!
Attention, Internet! Behold my Halloween fail!
A few years ago at Goodwill, I stumbled upon a fancy gown that some cruel bride had inflicted upon her maids. I purchased it for $5, smug I’d find a purpose for it.
This year I decided to embellish the dress to become the Queen of Hearts.
Alas, the center top wig is not Amazon Prime eligible, leaving me only with the horrible dead-muppet-on-your-head option for cheap expediting. (This, kids, is what happens when you leave things for the last minute). I think I may buy the wig on the right for a future year.
Instead, I’m going to be Little Pete from The Adventures of Pete & Pete.
My husband was already compiling the elements to become Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, this adult in a Where’s Waldo sort of costume who hangs out with the kids. (The 1990s was a simpler time, before the Sandusky trial.) He’s Little Pete’s best friend, so turning myself into Little Pete is:
b) sort of a couples costume.
In that we’re a set, not that Little Pete and Artie are having relations.
I just have to put on a red plaid hat and some baggy clothes from the 90s and I’ll be set. (I also bought some orange hairspray and brown eyeliner with which to give myself freckles. Because gingers.)
My quest for a flannel shirt (not really pictured here, but Little Pete wears them a lot) revealed a shit-ton of expensive flannel. Isn’t the whole point of flannel that construction workers, rough-n-tumble lesbians, and people from Seattle can cheaply wear it?
And now, without further ado: Flannel None of Us Can Afford.
Which of these shirts is under $300? No peeking until you’ve made your guess.
1. Vivienne Westwood Checked Flannel Shirt, Brown, $320; 2. Junya Wantanabe Check Wool Shirt Jacket, $975; 3. Sacai Long-Sleeved Shirt, $618; 4. DSquared2 Long-Sleeved Shirt, $650; 5. Burberry Adken Check Flannel Shirt, $252; 6. Odyn Vovk flannel shirt, $1450; 7. White Mountaneering Shirt, $566
That’s right, kids: Burberry is a steal. Keep that in mind when shopping for the rest of your life.
But drawing Petunia (Little Pete’s tattoo) on my arm will be free.
Happy Monday, everyone!
Guys, I know you’re worried about the government shutdown thing.
I hear that. I’m pissed, too.
But, at this moment, there’s another grave matter I need to bring to your attention.
I am about to enter my 30th year of life without a sasquatch sweater.
Do you think that’s an acceptable state of affairs? Because it’s not.
I spotted the first sweater on the wall of a friend who has “No Pants” as his middle name on Facebook.
I shared the image, and approximately one trillion people clicked “like.” (Honesty: The actual quantity was 7. I’m rounding up.)
Another friend sent me a message revealing the second, and Google hooked me up with the third.
I suspect this the best meme ever.
I’m leaning toward the Shredders one because I aspire to be the sort of person who casually carries around chickens.