Free Printable Unwinnable Feminist Super Bowl Bingo Sheet

The idea for this post started off as a tiny nugget: “What if Doritos showed an ad for Cool Ranch instead of Nacho Cheesier?”

Then I thought, “Wouldn’t be nice to see an ad featuring a same-sex couple? Or a plus-sized person that wasn’t the butt of a joke? Or men doing dishes? And why on earth is menstrual blood always portrayed as blue in ads for pads?”

Behold, friends: Unwinnable Super Bowl Bingo. The totally free, printable PDF, complete with translation chart, is right here. Play along at home.

What else are you going to do — actually care about sports?

Unwinnable-Super-Bowl-Bingo

You will not win, friends. No one ever will. But each square is one step closer to a more diverse, interesting world.

Crossing the Cthulu square off might be the last thing you ever do.

BING— death.

Our Zany Universe: Spider Derby Is A Thing That Exists

Duck and cover, because I’m about to drop a truth bomb.

“Spider Derby,” or spider fighting, is a “sport” that actually exists.

Spider-Derby

Depending on the spider species, two males or two females fight until:

  • one dies,
  • one falls off the leaf or stick they’re battling on,
  • or an obviously failing one is rescued by its handler.

When “off duty,” the spiders are kept in matchboxes.

Maybe you’re saying “that’s barbaric.”

It’s banned in some areas, but not because it’s mean. It’s because “[children] could spend so much time hunting and training spiders that lessons and homework are missed.” Oh, and because the practice encourages gambling. (In derbies, bets go up to $1k.)

Maybe you’re saying “this has to be happening internationally.”

Yes, it does. Mostly in Singapore, Japan, and the Philippines.

And also… jails in Florida.

Because… Florida.

“In 2002, a fight between three inmates over the theft of a pet spider resulted in life-threatening skull injuries to one inmate.”

Sounds like Florida to me. (To see Florida Man’s most impressive accomplishments of 2014, click here.)

As usual, I suggest you try nothing you see on this blog at home.