I haven’t killed anybody!

Up until two weeks ago, I ate mostly peanut butter sandwiches, Doritos, Reeces cups, and Diet Coke. My DNA strands were comprised of sugar and caffeine, held tenuously together by delicate strands of aspartame.

Woefully, the time has come to stop treating my body like a trash can. So I’ve cut back on sugar and processed foods.

Considering this total about-face, I’ve been surprisingly un-murderous.

I daresay saintly.


As of this posting, I have received neither medal nor monument.

My new diet looks like this:


When this thing inevitably flies off the rails, I am going to get ridiculous on something chocolate and melty.

What’s your guilty pleasure food? I need performers for my Circus of Terrible Ideas.

Pop, Soda, Alcohol, and McDonalds Belligerence: Links

Pop vs Soda is partially linguistic research, but it’s mostly an excuse for a beautiful graph.



Speaking of junk food, a woman in my town got drunk, went to Mickey D’s, threw a “wet floor” sign at a manager, and exposed her lady-parts to everyone in attendance.

Speaking of bad decisions, here are some tattoo ideas that tattoo artists refused to put on people’s bodies.

Speaking of bodies, I’m not surprised to find out that being on the Biggest Loser is the very worst.

Speaking of ridiculous amounts of exercise, this guy runs marathons with a giant teddy bear strapped to his back.

Speaking of things that bring me joy, I’m taking part in the 100 Happy Days challenge. You can follow my progress on my Instagram account.

Speaking of pictures on the Internet (okay, this one was tenuous), here’s a really cool packaging design:


Speaking of wine, the United States now consumes more than France. (Not per capita — just as a country.) USA! USA!

Speaking of booze comparisons, here’s a map of worldwide alcohol consumption (among adults aged ≥ 15 years in litres per person per year). Yes, I love maps with colors on them.


Speaking of Russia, you should check out Romantic Pictures from Russia’s Dating Sites. Is that related to how much they drink?

Yes, that’s the link I’m going to leave you on. I can’t even imagine where I’d take you from there.