$55 doesn’t get you much in the way of puffin pets.

My mom likes puffins, so I put “puffin adoption” into my browser history. I found a very nice Adopt A Horned Puffin page for $55. What a steal, I thought.

Friendship. Companionship. Good conversation starter. Excellent excuse not to turn the heat up in the winter.

There didn’t even appear to be shipping! I mean, shipping a live puffin from Antarctica Iceland has to be costly.

Done, sold.

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I found the catch:

Turns out the adoption is symbolic. Which means you don’t get shit, except vague comfort that the environment is being helped.

Plus, the World Wildlife Fund stole “WWF” from pro wrestling. “WWE” sucks.

“World Wrestling Entertainment”? That’s for, no pun intended, the birds.

What a scam, guys. Don’t believe the panda logo. The only panda you can trust is the Panda Express panda.

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Panda Express has never once sold me “symbolic” food.

I think.

Some of it is dubious.

Come look at this design I’m working on!

I know you just ate a lot yesterday, and it hurts terribly to think about food.

But I have to show you this food logo anyway.

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I’ve been working on the design evolution of Stickler’s: Frozen Perfection On A Stick.

The official unveiling hasn’t occurred yet, but you will soon be able to get these delicious treats in a storefront in Pittsburgh!

The brand was originally the Pop Stop:

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The Pop Stop’s logo(s) had a sort of Andy Warhol vibe, because Pittsburgh’s where Warhol is from. (If you’re ever in the Steel City, check out the Andy Warhol Museum.)

The Pop Stop was a food truck that served fresh-fruit, mostly vegan treats.

Because, as it turns out, the Pop Stop name was being used by another organization, its owners considered becoming Ramblin’ Pops:

Ramblin-Pops

I loved the hell out of this design. The font was cool (and free — download it here). The cloud was also a bite. An optimistic hippie sunrise emblazoned the horizon.

But then: a storefront presented itself. The owners of the company were psyched to have a home! In a brick-and-mortar context, “Ramblin’ Pops” ceased to make sense.

So… I got to make…

Characters

These goddamn glorious creatures. I call them the Wholesome Homies.

I cannot even begin to describe how much I love these things. I want stuffed animals of all of them. I want t-shirts out of them. I want to turn them into an argyle patterned sweater and wear them.

There’s also a master logo that includes all of them (minus faces):

Sticklers-Logo

It might be used in certain contexts. But it’s not NEARLY as good as the Wholesome Homies.

Nothing ever will be.

Anyone else working on anything new?

5 Things That Happened During The Month I Forgot About This Blog

Whoops. Forgot I had a blog. My bad. Sorry, Mom.

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1. I hiked Watkins Glen, an orgy of waterfalls and gorges. The Finger Lakes is a gorge-ous place.

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2. I got a second tattoo, of a death’s head moth (top). I illustrated the original illustration for the tattoo artist to apply. It’s a reference to my love of Hannibal/horror/reading/movies/Silence of the Lambs.

The hairs there are from my dog shedding into the moisturizer. Which is gross, but not as gross as the back hair people were joking about on Facebook. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

The bottom tattoo is Alys’. We got the tattoos together, because TWINSIES. So Goth. Very wow.

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3. I crocheted Clyde the Yeti. He likes jazz music. We share a classic pear body type.

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4. I designed this logo for an ice cream pop company. Delicious.

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5. I was my husband’s muse. Behold this portrait. It’s me, imagining cake.

As you can see, I am the second-best artist in the family.

I should hand this blog over to him.

He’d probably update it.

Toodles, Clipart from Planet X!

My company has been printing a local elementary school’s summer camp shirts for the past six years (at least). They have always looked exactly the same: hideous.

Like this:

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Every year, they wanted the same thing, with different a year underneath. The small children get the frog and the older children get the eagle.  It was, as far as I could tell, non-negotiable.

This year, finally, they’ve asked for a re-brand.

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I feel so much better now. Clean. Calm. Zen. Ready to take on the world’s injustices — for the sake of the children.

Hey! Who remembers Romney Face Tattoo Guy?

Have you ever been in the shower and wondered: “What happened to Romney Face Tattoo Guy?!”

No?

Well, I did this week. And now you’re going to find out about him.

According to my friend the Internet, the guy is Eric Hartsburg. He’s a 30-year-old pro-wrestler Republican from Indiana. In the ring, he wears a pink outfit with a cowboy hat. His other temple has ten pink stars on it.

The Romney campaign paid $15,000 or $5,000 (depending on the source) to have their logo tattooed on his face. He hoped it would encourage people to vote.

Just after Romney’s loss, Hartsburg was claiming he had no regrets.

“I’m not an idiot,” Hartsburg said. “I am college educated […] getting the tattoo was a decision that I made, and I am cool with.”

He said he wanted people to look past the tat “in order to have a real conversation about politics and the future of America.”

But now he’s getting it removed because he is claiming not to like Romney’s “gifts” comment. (Which, as the article points out, is pretty much the same as Romney’s “47% percent” comment.)

My beef with Eric Hartsburg’s tattoo decision is not Romney and his eerie clan of Children of the Eugenics-Approved Corn. Or the whole “dudes talking way too much about rape” phenomenon. Or even Paul Ryan’s hilarious workout photos.

(Okay. I love these photos).

My major issue is the ugliness of the Romney logo.

Don’t lie to me, Internet: this logo looks like a listless dong, and you know it.

Long after Eric Hartsburg removes his tattoo, and after most of America has forgotten Romney/Ryan, I will still remember this horrible fucking logo. It has been burned into my brain until the end of time.

Do you, dearest Internet, have a least favorite logo? If so, feel free to drop a line in my comments. Either way, happy weekend!