5 Unpopular Opinions, Illustrated

Like a moldy bridge, the Internet has trolls lurking underneath. Reddit: Unpopular Opinions is a particularly fetid spot for these mouth-breathers. It’s simmering with people ready to spew their most bigoted thoughts in the name of edginess/independence from the norm. 5 examples spotted today (June 14th) include:

“Cultural appropriation is a joke.”

“African Americans are the greatest beneficiaries of slavery.”

“I don’t think grocery stores should provide motorized wheelchairs for disabled customers.”

“Drunk sex is not rape.”

“If you’re a Vet and you’re struggling then you’re not trying.”

Last week (June 7th), here were a few winners… that I decided to go ahead and illustrate:

My favorite: the torture-porn Saw franchise outlines some good parenting strategies. I couldn’t stop laughing at this one.

Strong disagree. Counterargument:

Anyway…

The words “crusty” and “moist” are so obviously worse.

This feels classist? Possibly racist? Definitely shitty — no pun intended.

More like: Fuck that opinion.

Everyone made fun of the Bachelor girl who liked the Olive Garden, but I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t love it.

Monsters. Monsters everywhere.

Go Lefty & Write A Stupid Story

Staring at a sheet of white paper in dismay and self-loathing?

Try this: draw with your non-dominant hand.

If you want to go the extra mile, give your creatures/objects backgrounds or friends.

Break out your paints and try to mix & apply them to your masterpiece with your uncoordinated mitt.

Finish up by bringing out the most important parts of your illustration with a solid ink outline. Maybe throw some shadowing on that puppy.

Then take a moment to appreciate the icky fruits of your labor. Your results will be fugly. Revel in that hideousness.

You cannot feel bad about them, because they were destined to be unfortunate. They have fulfilled their purpose in this universe, which was to loosen you up and let the ideas flow with minimal judgement. (I was originally going to write “without judgement” there, but come on. Let’s be honest with ourselves.)

Now tell the tale of your uggos. Go full-on children’s book (or maybe evil children’s book, which is more fun).

Here are a few examples so you can laugh at me, if you’d like:

Tammy the sexually liberated Mardi Gras owl is proud of every strand of beads she’s earned, thank you very much.

She is too blasted to consider that her mask is made of feathers. That’s like a human serial killer wearing a mask of skin. It’s creepy.

Dusty the Greaser Vampire’s car has broken down in the desert. He’s hoping to hitchhike to somewhere with shade before the sun kills him.

Her Majesty Lulu the Clown is worried that the weight of her dog’s nose is going to snap its neck one of these days. The dog is, after all, 50% nose and 50% body; but that doesn’t seem to keep it from jumping through flaming hoops.

She spends so much time worrying about her dog’s proportions that she doesn’t worry about her own enormous torso, head, and left arm. (Or is it her stumpy right arm and legs?)

Big-eared, three-eyed Stabbers the Psychic predicts love in your future. She says that to everyone, though, so don’t feel too special. Sorry you’re lonely.

If you make any fun messes using these instructions, please feel free to leave me a comment. I would like to see that. But no pressure. I know it’s medically inadvisable for someone with asthma (or really anyone) to hold their breath for a long time, so I promise not to do that.

Next week: a photography prompt. That’s pretty cool, right? Yes? No? Whatever.

Have a good day, Internet.