Hi there. This post isn’t about sex, though, of course, the pun is. Other potential titles for this post included:
- It’s … BONERRIFIC!
- Ready to get Boned?
- No Bones About It!
- I’ve got a Bone to pick with you
I got onto the bone thing because I saw an article on Cracked called “Five People On Etsy Who Are Clearly Serial Killers.”
(That’s an assumption! Some of them might still be working their way up to it!)
A lot of the alleged serial killers worked with real bone — and I wondered: “Is it possible to work with real bone and get lovely results?”
The answer is… sort of. Even the creme de la creme is creepy, though:
The best piece is hands-down this one:
I don’t know for sure, but I think $60 might be a steal for this.
I listen to a lot of pop music, the kind that says things like “When we walk in the club, all eyes on us!” I think that this necklace would evoke that degree of response, even for a normal-to-frumpy person like me.
Part of me wants to encourage you to buy this for me so I can wear it out and blog about the experience.
However, I have a lot of asshole friends that would probably act upon this request, so I’m going to refrain.
Instead, I’m going to circumvent the whole thing by writing a post as though it had happened.
(original photo by Alys Twoburgers)
“Hey guys! Today my face is bleeding because I got punched by a 90-pound vegan girl.
“As pictured above, I was sitting in the bar, sipping a Long Island (totally my first, I swear), when a small but aggressive girl approached me and demanded an explanation for my jewelry choice.
“When I tried to explain that I was wearing the necklace as a Lady-Gaga-like performance art piece, she hit me. I put down my drink and went outside and cried on the sidewalk.
“I am now covered in my own blood. This experiment went poorly.”
Didn’t it feel just like we were there? I think the serial killers will have to sell their Etsy wares to someone else.
Have a good weekend, Internet!