Christmas is the season that divides the world into two categories:
1. people that know what to get their friends, and
2. people who spend the morning staring at rubber ducks.
I am now both. Here’s what I have gleaned from my internet voyage:
Yes, ducks are a little baffling to give anyone over the age of 5.
But they’re also perfect for some Very Specific Friends almost every group has.
1. The poop emoji friend. Everyone has a bud who likes to talk about their… output. Or they’re constantly ducking out of things because their tract is at it again. Give those open books some poop ducks.
2. The pointedly anti-establishment friend. Rubber duckies tend to have a shape and size. A convention, if you will. Give your fun-loving, free-spirit, Zooey-Deschanel friend some odd ducks. The one who fancies himself a sleek intellectual would probably prefer the Kid O Floating duck.
3. The friend who gives you medical advice without any qualifications to do so. Expand on all their fake knowledge with an anatomical duck.
4. The friend who you think might have voted for Trump. Everyone has one. Let them know you may one day forgive them with a Make Bathtime Great Again duck.
5. The friend who’s religious. Throw ’em a bone. Let them celebrate the True Reason For The Season with a religious duck. I like the Moses duck.
6. Your least klutzy friend. Some people don’t live in fear of stairs, heels, uneven sidewalks, or dropped banana peels. Those people are living their best lives. Get them a Swarovski Punk Duck.