Life Advice from Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

I made Donatello for a friend’s baby (free crochet pattern here). I’ve always known I was giving him away… but I’m still heartbroken to say goodbye.

It’s okay: I know Donatello will be a great pal to young Alex. He has a lot of love and wisdom to give. (He is, after all, the smart Turtle.)

Life Advice From A Ninja Turtle

“Dear Alex,
Welcome to Earth. Here, you’ll discover cute red-headed reporters, sewers, and, best of all, pizza (once you’re done with the breast milk thing). Try to obey your senseis (parents). And remember, your aunt Leah & uncle Rick love you very much.
Cowabunga,
Donatello”

Save travels through the mail, buddy!

How To Crochet The Ugliest Donkey Imaginable

“I don’t think crochet is your thing,” my mom said on the phone.

“Why?” I whispered, heartbroken.

“I don’t think your donkey was very successful,” she said.

Totoro Crochet

The “donkey” she thought I’d fucked up was, in fact, this Totoro.

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If you’d like to make one of your own, the Ravelry pattern is here.

Totoro-Is-Popular

It will be an appreciated Christmas gift.

Or a confusing gift, if the recipient thinks it’s an ugly donkey.

Toys Far Too Expensive For Anyone with Children to Afford

Hello-Dolly-1

I’ve recently discovered the joys of Toys Far Too Expensive For Anyone with Children to Afford. I wandered into the field in the name of research and came out with a very long wish list:

Hello-Dolly-2

I got lost in two types of fancy dolls:

1) Ball-jointed dolls (like these). These are hundreds of dollars each and have very delicate, fully-moveable features. They’re produced in limited runs, and you can paint them, give them wigs, switch out their eyes, and buy outfits for them. They’re like Super Designer Barbies.

2) One-of-a-kind art dolls. Every artist has a different style. Accordingly, they’re all different prices, sizes, materials, subjects, and ranges of motion.

I was thinking it’d be fun to support independent artists and have bizarre art dolls throughout the house in cloches. You know, become “that lady.”

Then I remembered: I several friends with daughters who, as they get older, will definitely jack and break them.

I don’t even have children and I know my stuff’s on the verge of being shattered.

Sigh. I can always dream.

Wanna join me in la-la land? Follow out my Dolls & Plush pin board on Pinterest!

Christmas Suggestion For Difficult People: Bullet Jewelry

Can we all get together and agree, as a society, that Christmas shopping isn’t the most pleasurable? Like, what do you get someone who already has everything, or someone who has various interests and styles?

Today’s Christmas Suggestion For Difficult People is: bullet jewelry.

It’s weird. It straddles that line between “country person who kills deer” and “girly girl.” You’d think that line would be a mile wide, right? But it’s not.

Even the anti-violence hippie among us might like the irony of a deactivated bullet transformed into a flower.

bullets

1. Owls by Jectz (currently out of stock, but they have a lot of other awesome stuff).

2. Flower pendants by Jenuinely Jeni (on Etsy here), starting at $32

3. With ornate silver around the bullets, by Laura Lynns, $20-30ish

4. “Kiss My Brass” bracelet by BlingItOnBulletDZign, $85

5. “Big Bang” bracelet by RahyaJewelryDesigns, $175

6. Jewelry by Bullet Designs, LLC (this bracelet currently out of stock)

More suggestions to come in future posts! Enjoy!

Fangs of Fury

I am always on high alert for bears.

“But Leah — you’ve never been attacked by bears!” you might say. 

Right. I know. It’s because I’m constantly vigilant

Bathroom? Check behind that curtain for bears.

Bedtime? Check under the bed for bears.

Grocery shopping? Make sure they’re not in the candy aisle.

Work? You never know when a customer might actually be a bear in a human costume.

Threat-Down

People think Stephen Colbert’s all-out campaign against bears is a joke. It is not. He knows a menace to humanity when he sees one.

I have lovingly crafted this treasury on Etsy not as a tribute to bears, but as a reminder of what the enemy looks like. 

Godspeed, friends.