What’s so appealing about the Dark Side, anyway?

The only thing worse than working in a cubicle is working for the Dark Side. The lighting is terrible. The outfits are uncomfortable. Your boss is a sith-head.

(Get it? It’s like shit-head. “Shit” and “sith” even have the same letters.)

What are the benefits? What’s the health plan like?

Let’s talk about it in today’s Long Digression About Star Wars (no spoilers).

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The Dark Side has a great PR campaign. The argument posed to Anakin Skywalker was something like “hey, buddy, this will make you feel better. This will solve your problems.” The Jedi weren’t offering such a deal. Which leads me to…

Being a Jedi sucks. You have to be pure. You can’t get married. The outfits aren’t cool. Meditation is boring.

The Dark Side is addictive, like drugs. Like drugs, you act all erratic and raged-out — and it’s terrible for your skin:

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The Dark Side is a cool way to rebel against The Man. Is there anything more metal — literally or figuratively — than Darth Vader?

The Dark Side has better toys. Who wouldn’t want to push the button on the Death Star? How tempting is that?

The Dark Side is cleaner. If you have OCD, you’ll like that all those Empire ships are spick-and-span. The entire fleet is spotless. Their organization game is on point.

But seriously, here’s what I actually believe is the case:

The Dark Side’s structure makes it easier to rise in the ranks. You know if you’re powerful.

In the real world, it’s tough to determine who’s “winning.” (Insert Charlie Sheen joke here.) There are so many different ways to figure out hierarchy.

Is the rich guy winning? Is the healthy guy winning? Is the attractive guy winning?

Is it the guy who has a hot wife — or is it the guy who’s found his soul mate?

Is it the guy with kids — or the guy who managed to dodge the kid bullet?

Is it the guy who travels all the time? The guy who hangs out in his mansion? The guy who abandoned all that and just surfs on the beach near his apartment?

The “real world” has so many variables and ways to attain success. It’s hard to know if you’ve “made it.”

In the Empire, there’s no scrambling or uncertainty — especially if you have the Force. The variables are gone. You are immediately at the top. You are important.

(Or, at least, the creepy guy in charge tells you that you are.)

It’s simple, and it’s clear.

But if you realize you’ve made a mistake, it’s almost impossible to go back.

Who wants to shame-walk back to the people they’ve betrayed?

Once you’re in the Dark Side, you’re stuck.

A crafts project that is… OUT OF THIS WORLD.

My fellow role-playing nerds and I purchased our DM (dungeon master, the guy that runs the show) some bitchin’ Fate Dice this week:

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Because he’s an astrophysicist (I’m not making this up), I made him a special space-themed dice bag to go with the dice.

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And I made a drawstring out of yarn to match the colors in the bag.

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And it’s fully lined.

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This post is 100% about me fluffing my feathers over how much I like this dice bag… and kind of wish I could keep it for myself.

Geek Chat: Is Robin A Help Or A Hindrance?

Your Robin feelings say a lot about your worldview.

Riddle me this: Is Robin a giant, frigging liability? Or is he a cutie patootie that contributes to your enjoyment of Batman?

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As an introvert and kind of a jerk, my battle is often: “Do I want to be lonely? Should I let people in — at the expense that they may annoy me or depend on me more than I’d like?” 

Having other people around means a lot of things: 
– You have to help friends move.
– You have friends to help you move.
– You have to pet-sit.
– You have someone to bring you a cookie when you’re in a bad mood.
– You get baby-barf on your shirts.
– You wind up listening to other people’s uninteresting problems about their dead parents.
– Other people listen to your uninteresting problems about your dead parents.
The Joker might kidnap your friends, and you have to save them.
– Two-Face might try to drown you in sand, and they have to save you.
Friends are free, unlike butlers, whom you must pay.

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I honestly oscillate between loving and hating Robin.

Usually I want to push Robin off a cliff for being useless.

I’ve taken this as a sign that I should stick to a job that provides a lot of alone time.

Five Fandom Friday: Guilty Pleasure Edition

This week’s 5FF is guilty pleasures. I’m so embarrassingly lowbrow that most of my geeky joys come from this category.

I’ve (sadly) whittled it down to the top five:

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1. Space Cases. I still watch at least an episode a month of this slightly-terrible 1990s Nickelodeon sci-fi show. Something about it’s right. Like Doritos, or the perfect bra.

2. Plushy & doll tie-ins. Oh look! It’s a cute version of something I like! I’ll take five. (The worst offenders are these damn dolls. They’re taking over my house.)

3. Low-budget sci-fi. Give me your tired! Your poor! Your UFOs dangling from a string!

4. Sexy villains (and anti-heroes). Loki and Bucky/Winter Soldier rule Marvel. Morgue is my & my husband’s favorite person on Freakshow. We’d all rather hang out with Harley and Joker than Batman and Robin. Heaven’s nice, but Hell has all the interesting people.

5. Robots. Big or small, complicated or simple, humanoid or angular, with or without feelings. My favorites are Data (Star Trek), Bender (Futurama), Agent Smith (Matrix), the Daleks (Doctor Who), the Jaegers (Pacific Rim), THELMA (Space Cases), and Wall-E. I prefer funny ones that are on the verge of self-awareness. All shows would be improved with an android companion.

Other things that didn’t make the cut include:
– reading fanfic
– complaining loudly about all the good shows getting canceled
– SyFy Originals (movies or shows)
– ogling pictures of cosplay
and
– looking up actors from old TV shows on Facebook to see how they’re doing.

That last one’s creepy.

We should maybe have a Five Fandom Friday that’s like “what’s the creepiest thing you’ve ever done, as a fan?

I’m sure people have done some damn creepy things.

5 Fandom Friday: 5 Fictional Characters I Most Identify With

Sometimes I watch TV/movies and think, “Finally! I’m represented.”

Here are my top 5 On-Screen Leahs, presented in order of media release.

5-Fandom-Malcolm

Dr Ian Malcolm is two steps ahead of the optimists. Who are you idiots, and why do you think those cages are going to hold T-Rexes back? Maybe we should have left them dead? This makes people like him and me very unpopular when “bright” ideas are proposed. There’s a reason my giant yard dinosaur (post coming soon!) is named Jeff Goldblum.

5-Fandom-Daria

Daria is an adult trapped in a teenager’s body. She simply cannot identify with the people around her (except Jane), which I totally get. While this show was on, people often likened my deep voice and deadpan humor to Daria’s.

5-Fandom-Walter

Dr Walter Bishop loves science and food. He alternates between the profound, the childish, and the starving. He’s also an animal lover. When I get hangry (hungry + angry), I often crave very specific foods and cannot continue my tasks until I obtain them.