Lose weight during the holidays? Hah!

My parents’ very fancy gym has a lot of included programming (classes, day care, etc). Their current group activity wall has a big sign that says “Lose Weight Over The Holidays!” Members can sign up for the program and, I imagine, win prizes for winning the most.

This is horrific. Lose weight over the holidays? That’s doing it wrong.

Holidays-For-Eating

I’m not saying you should endanger your health by self-administering an IV of grease and melted-down sugar cookies.

But maybe December isn’t the time for a full offensive.

Maybe playing defense — holding the line — is enough.

Fashion Friday: We are here to pump you up!

This week, I illustrated a female bodybuilding lobster.

You know, as one does.

Weightlifting-Lobster

She, like all lobsters, craves the perfect beach body.

Her workout routine is way more than the average “I guess I’ll hit the gym a few times in January.” She’s committed to the bit.

She probably has some seriously cute workout gear.

Whether you’re at the gym, the yoga studio, your living room, or on the trails, having a fun outfit helps. It’ll give you the extra push to get keep going… or, if need be, to get started.

Here are a few pieces that’re on my workout gear wish list. They’re all pretty pricey, which is why they’re on the Internet instead of in my closet:

Workout-Clothes

1. Livfit hooded jacket, $60
2. Sweaty Betty swift run tank, $95
3. Shock absorber sports bra, $75
4. Perfect booty pant, $108
5. Lululemon Astro pant, $98
6. AfFITnity crop leggings, $68(What do these garments look like on people my size & shape? I have no idea.)

I may be the only person on earth that doesn’t exercise in January. My job’s stressful in January; I just go home and collapse in front of the TV like the quintessential workaholic American drone. In February, work lets up, so I ease back into the routine of getting my destroyed body back into workable shape. This month (February), I’m going to start the Couch to 5K program, or at least the derpy, slow-ass twice-as-long version my lungs and I’ll have to revert to. In my less fashionable workout clothes.

Body size, though, is only a tiny part of the equation to a happy life, though.

before-and-after

Thanks, toothpaste for dinner.

Happy weekend, Internet, whether you can get a workout in or not!

Pope, the floor is not a hamper.

I don’t have time for a proper post (THON season is winding up!) but I do have three fabulous, swift things to share:

1) A quote about the Pope stepping down:

“In these trying times of religious upheaval, the Catholic community would do well to heed the warnings of Dan Brown: beware the cardinal who finds an anti-matter bomb underneath the Vatican and heroically flies it to a safe distance before miraculously parachuting safety, for he planted the bomb himself as part of a dark plot to be elected pope and ban science.”
– Paul

2) The world’s fastest iPhone bathroom photos of my new glasses:
Original-Glasses
^ My old glasses (for comparison).

Tortoiseshell
^ My new tortoiseshell glasses!
Gradient
^ My new gradient glasses. These seem to be the biggest hit on Facebook.

I didn’t have a backup pair of glasses, so I ordered two off Firmoo just in case. I haven’t spent any serious time with them on, just whip on, take picture, & go, but I’ll probably have more in-depth reviews and better photos, hopefully, later in the week when my life becomes less crazy!

and

3) A story about a trip to the gym.I’d normally use evening plans as an excuse not to go to the gym, but last Friday, I went to the gym to work in a mile on the threadmill before showering & going out.

On the way out of the gym, I heard a voice say, “Put your hood up. Your head is sweaty.”

I whipped around to be all, “OH NO, YOU DID NOT JUST TELL ME WHAT TO DO. I AM A GROWN-ASS WOMAN.”

But it was a guy talking to his child.

It was good advice, though. I put my hood up. My head was sweaty.

Teach The Controversy

Here’s what my walk to work looks like:

But of all the photos I’ve taken today, the most interesting one to the most people is this one:

I wasn’t sure whether to buy this shirt.

It was only $2.50 at the Goodwill, but I couldn’t figure out if I loved it or loathed it. 

The existential crisis was obviously written all over my face. As I was holding it, a woman walked up to me and said that Clint and Stacy from What Not To Wear always recommend shirts just like it. 

I told her I’d never dream of arguing with Clint and Stacy, and one of us said “shut the front door!” which is Stacy’s TV-friendly version of “shut the fuck up.” Then the lady and I talked about how many pairs of Mom jeans there were in the pants area. And some other stuff, because I’m charismatic as hell, y’all. I make new friends at the thrift. Jealous?

This is no middle ground on this shirt. People love it or hate it.  (Women are pro; men are anti. I should submit this shirt to Man Repeller.)

In an effort to continue Teaching the Controversy, I’m also putting my photo of the shirt here on the blog. You can weigh in, too, if you’d like.

The most useful comments I’ve gotten on it on FB and Twitter have been “ditch the belt,” “pair it with a pencil skirt,” and, my favorite: “pair it with a sweater.” Probably because pairing it with a sweater cuts down on the amount of it you can see. As Tim Gunn would say, this blouse is “a lot of look.” And it’s not like I’m a teeny person, either. I’m taller than almost every woman I know, and probably weigh more, too — which is not a “poor me” or a cry for compliments, just a statement of fact.

To make an awkward segue from a post that’s devolved into a monologue about a borderline ugly shirt…

You should give to this charity project:

When I offered to donate my drawing services, I found out two things:

1) They were only accepting artists who could be there (NYC) in person. Boo.

2) One of the designers of OrangeYouGlad (the collective coordinating the site and the illustrating) is someone I knew in undergrad. Yay. We are… Penn State Design Ass(ociation)!

Yes. We walked around calling ourselves “Design Ass.” It’s okay to be bitterly jealous of us.

Anyway, Internet, I am signing off, but stay tuned tomorrow for a Thursday Links that will knock your socks off.