Jurassic Park doesn’t exist (yet!), so you’ll have to settle for a close second: DinosaurLand.
Here are the top 5 reasons to go.
1. Education. All displays are completely to scale and photorealistic. The placards tell you fascinating facts. Did you know that the praying mantis is “the highest evolved of all insects”? Bet you didn’t think evolution worked that way. Well, it does.
2. Terror. You will be at the edge of your seat the entire time. Except you won’t be sitting — you’ll be running for your life! These displays are so spot-on that you’ll still have the jitters when you’re back on the highway.
3. Biodiversity. Nature has provided bounteous derp-faces in all shapes and sizes. Gaze in wonder at the one-toothed Sabertooth and all his friends. You will find smirks, scowls, leers, giggles, and big-tongued roars galore.
I don’t understand the Polar Vortex. Does it or does it not have something to do with global warming?
When people get all up-in-arms about meteorology (“climate change: is it real?”), I’m like, “Hey, I’m not having kids that’ll have to live through that, so… best of luck. Hopefully I’ll kick it before that really manifests. You guys should really do something about that, I guess.”
Speaking of worldwide weather catastrophe…
Jurassic Park is wrong. Real velociraptors would actually only go up to your elbow, and they’re actually covered in feathers.
Fact: T-Rex hates pushups.
Related: Can we take a second and talk about the thing I almost bought my husband for V-Day?
Do I get anything resembling “grown-up points” for passing this up? I decided it was only 2 feet tall; and if I was going to get a lawn dinosaur, I’d need to go bigger.