Please don’t ask me to pronounce my new hobby aloud.

Have you ever tried running on train tracks? It seems like a flat, idyllic place to jog; but you inevitably wind up with a fucked up, flappy, bleeding knee.

That’s what saying “amigurumi” out loud is like.

I dread mentioning my hobby to people.

“Will I get lost in that word’s endless hall of mirrors? Am I at the end yet? Has my mouth accomplished it? Can I go back to what I was doing?”

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In English, I think of my plush as “slow, soft sculptures.”

Don’t tell anyone that.

That phrase sounds like I live on a Hippie Love Cloud. You can almost smell the patchouli in the air.

Life Advice from Donatello the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle

I made Donatello for a friend’s baby (free crochet pattern here). I’ve always known I was giving him away… but I’m still heartbroken to say goodbye.

It’s okay: I know Donatello will be a great pal to young Alex. He has a lot of love and wisdom to give. (He is, after all, the smart Turtle.)

Life Advice From A Ninja Turtle

“Dear Alex,
Welcome to Earth. Here, you’ll discover cute red-headed reporters, sewers, and, best of all, pizza (once you’re done with the breast milk thing). Try to obey your senseis (parents). And remember, your aunt Leah & uncle Rick love you very much.
Cowabunga,
Donatello”

Save travels through the mail, buddy!

Free Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle Amigurumi Pattern!

When I found Amigurumi BB’s voodoo doll pattern, I fell in love.

The proportions for this pattern are inherently weird. It makes a  floppy fella with a huge head, long arms, and stumpy legs.

One might even say the result looks mutated. And that’s perfect for making… a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle for my friend’s baby!

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For pattern & instructions, keep reading!

How To Crochet The Ugliest Donkey Imaginable

“I don’t think crochet is your thing,” my mom said on the phone.

“Why?” I whispered, heartbroken.

“I don’t think your donkey was very successful,” she said.

Totoro Crochet

The “donkey” she thought I’d fucked up was, in fact, this Totoro.

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If you’d like to make one of your own, the Ravelry pattern is here.

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It will be an appreciated Christmas gift.

Or a confusing gift, if the recipient thinks it’s an ugly donkey.

Whovians rejoice!

As you may recall, I taught myself crochet a few weeks ago. The last week and a half has been One Of Those Weeks at work, so I’ve been coming home, pouring myself a rum & diet, and crocheting… this Doctor Who creature!

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His full name is Andrew Pose, Andy Pose for short.

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He’s an Adipose. They’re blobs of adorable fat that come out of your body. I could go into it, but if you don’t already know, the explanation won’t bring you any joy.

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I made him for a Whovian buddy. For my second project, I’m pretty proud of how he came out.

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Speaking of geekery, IFC is having a 1960s Batman marathon today (Christmas Eve).

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This just happened:

Batman: “Have you seen anything unusual in here lately?”
Librarian: “What do you mean?”
Batman: “Perhaps a man in a green suit with question marks on it?”
Librarian: “Let me think a minute.” (actually takes a moment to consider) “No.”

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It’s beautiful.