Tag: crochet

5 great links to enjoy this week.

^ 18 Less-Than-Inspiring Wallpapers. They’re are about to be incorporated into all of my computers.

Why would anyone sell a book for a penny on Amazon? I’ve always wondered about this. Mystery solved.

^ Were you aware? In the 70s, Bhutan had postage stamps that were made of playable vinyl. Learn more here.

^ I yearn for one of these scarves. All the whimsy of an animal-scarf; none of the horror of a literal corpse around your neck. (I keep seeing real vintage mink stoles at antiques stores. The eyes, guys. The eyes.)

^ Can you beat my stats (above) at the 1-minute typing test?

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Make your own Bill Cipher Amigurumi!

If you’re depressed because Gravity Falls is over, you’re not alone.

Perhaps making a Bill Cipher will cheer you up!

Bill-Cipher

Supplies:
Yellow, black, & white yarn
F hook
Tapestry needle
Stuffing

Body (yellow):
Magic ring 6
Mark stitches 1 and 4.
Increase in 1, SC 2-3, Increase in 4, SC to beginning. Leave the markers in.
From here on out, you’re going to increase only at the ends (which you’ll be able to see because of the markers). You’ll be increasing 2 stitches every round, which will gradually increase in the triangle shape.
Keep going until it’s to the size you’d like. Stuff lightly. Then SC the bottom shut. You’ll have a puffy triangle.

Hat (black):
Magic ring 6.
Increase around (12).
SC in the front loops only (12).
Regular SC around until the hat is approximately 1/2 to 3/4 of the body’s height.
(SC, increase) around in back loops only (18).
Stuff hat lightly, sew onto top of triangle.

Limbs (black):
Chain to desired length. Chain 1 and SC back to beginning. Tie off, sew to body.
I made the legs the same length as the height of the triangle.
I made the arms about 3/4 the length of the legs.

Face (black & white):
Embroider white of eye first, then outline & four eyelashes on the top and bottom. (I did the black and filled it in, but this was a mistake. Do the white first).
The bow tie is just two triangles.

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Now that you’ve brought him into this dimension, you might be doomed. Best of luck.

Putting A Positive Spin on A Fucked Up Owl

I created a pillow that slid out of my control.

Burn your eyes on this image:

Derpy-Owl

Words of comfort from my nerdy friends:

Rachel: “Navajo weavers would include intentional mistakes to let out any bad spirits that got trapped.”

Alice: “Persian rug weavers did as well, since only God can make perfect things. Actually, the Greeks had a myth about how one should not be prideful over how perfect their weaving is too.”

Josie: “It’s even MORE special ’cause it’s done with love from the heart and not mass-produced!”
Me: “GOOD SPIN. Have you considered a career in PR?”
Josie: “Stick with me, kid… I’ll make you a crocheting STAR!”

I can’t wait to be famous for fucking up basic patterns!

A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again: Octavia The Octopus

If you love tedium, I have the crochet pattern for you!

Everyone, say hello to Octavia the Octopus.

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Her name was originally Ophelia the Octopus, but I was told that was “too depressing.” (See, it’s funny because Ophelia ends up in the water. Literature appreciation can never start too early!)

She’s a Hanukkah present for my friend’s son. 8 days, 8 legs.

I briefly considered sending one leg a day and having my friend assemble her on the other side. Hilarious, right? Again, I got told I could not have the things I wanted.

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Ophelia was originally meant to be done months ago.

Here’s why it took so long.

I made the head.

Then I made a leg.

Then I made another leg.

And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

Then I made a suction cup. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

And two eyes. (You’ll notice they’re different from the pattern. I thought the pattern’s eyes were scary for a child.)

Then I sewed the whole kit & caboodle together. Including each suction cup.

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I’m not going to lie to you: this was the worst.

If you calculated time spent vs my hourly wage, this is a multi-hundred-dollar octopus.

If you want one for your kid, you can feel free to make one yourself.

The Holocaust. 9/11. The Octopus. NEVER AGAIN. 

5 Things That Happened During The Month I Forgot About This Blog

Whoops. Forgot I had a blog. My bad. Sorry, Mom.

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1. I hiked Watkins Glen, an orgy of waterfalls and gorges. The Finger Lakes is a gorge-ous place.

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2. I got a second tattoo, of a death’s head moth (top). I illustrated the original illustration for the tattoo artist to apply. It’s a reference to my love of Hannibal/horror/reading/movies/Silence of the Lambs.

The hairs there are from my dog shedding into the moisturizer. Which is gross, but not as gross as the back hair people were joking about on Facebook. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

The bottom tattoo is Alys’. We got the tattoos together, because TWINSIES. So Goth. Very wow.

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3. I crocheted Clyde the Yeti. He likes jazz music. We share a classic pear body type.

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4. I designed this logo for an ice cream pop company. Delicious.

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5. I was my husband’s muse. Behold this portrait. It’s me, imagining cake.

As you can see, I am the second-best artist in the family.

I should hand this blog over to him.

He’d probably update it.