Please don’t ask me to pronounce my new hobby aloud.

Have you ever tried running on train tracks? It seems like a flat, idyllic place to jog; but you inevitably wind up with a fucked up, flappy, bleeding knee.

That’s what saying “amigurumi” out loud is like.

I dread mentioning my hobby to people.

“Will I get lost in that word’s endless hall of mirrors? Am I at the end yet? Has my mouth accomplished it? Can I go back to what I was doing?”

Pennywise1

In English, I think of my plush as “slow, soft sculptures.”

Don’t tell anyone that.

That phrase sounds like I live on a Hippie Love Cloud. You can almost smell the patchouli in the air.

Death On A Dime: How to Craft A Cheap & Easy Heart or Halloween Garland

Need to decorate for Halloween? This is a cinch.

Heart-Garland

I’m going to chop off some heads this Halloween, so I made a few home decorations to go with my costume. This was so embarrassingly easy (and cute) that I had to detail it here.

To create the heart garland, you’ll need a sturdy heart-shaped punch, a few playing card decks, hot glue, and string.

Punch hearts out of the deck. Affix two dots of hot glue to the bumps at the back of each heart. Press the string into the glue dots. Leave it to cool for a few minutes, then stick it anywhere you’d like.

Want to creep it up a notch? Try doll heads instead of hearts.

The doll heads are a little tougher. I made them by doing Google Image Searches of “creepy doll head,” then saving my favorites to the desktop. I uploaded those images to Wal-Mart Photo and printed them for something like 18 cents each. Then I snipped them out and did the same hot-glue-plus-string rigamarole as before.

The hearts are cute, but the doll heads might make your friends break up with you.

You didn’t need them anyway. The voices can keep you company.

My Inappropriate Alien Valentine

I wrote a post last year about how atheism helped me deal with my fear issues.

It feels good to be a functional adult who doesn’t live in terror of darkness all the time, but it’s also kind of… a letdown.

The world’s a little less magical. There are no demons, but there also no saints — or unicorns, or witches, or healing crystals.

Want-To-Believe

There are also probably no aliens who want to touch our butts.

There’s nothing that would complete Valentine’s Day like aliens all up on the bootay.