I’ve kidnapped your dog and your underwear!

A few days ago, I grabbed the townhouse’s laundry and Fuzz-Butt (our dog) (not his real name) and went over to the house.

I put the dog in the washer and the laundry in the back yard.

When the laundry didn’t romp or chase squirrels, I realized the error of my ways.

My husband must have been delighted to receive this text:

“I’ve kidnapped your dog and your underwear!”

His follow-up questions were:

“Did you just take the underwear? I had other laundry, too.”


Do you know how to use the new laundry machine? Does it take some kind of special detergent or anything?”

I replied:

“Oh no! I didn’t read the instructions! I just put ANY OLD THING in the detergent drawer! Also, the house is on fire, and the dog has escaped into the woods.


As you can see from the illustration above, that is, of course, not the case. Because I am the Queen of Laundry Day.

I knew to buy special HE detergent for the new washer because, duh, I am not going to throw several hundred dollars at an appliance just to have it explode because I couldn’t be bothered to skim a pamphlet.

You may notice that my self-portrait is a little different.

It’s because I got a very trendy haircut:


It’s super-fun.

I’d like you to know that I almost didn’t post this photo because my face looked fat in it.

But then I remembered that I have a massive cranium in all photos. Because I have a massive cranium, period.

People seem pretty psyched about the hair. Or they’re just being nice. I’m not sure; and honestly, I’m so busy basking in compliments that I don’t care.

Notes about other drawings:

Manila drawing: My husband exists for puns.

Upon researching Manila, I stumbled across the site for Star City, Manila’s bomb-as-hell theme park. Congratulations, Star City: you’re now on my bucket list. Sadly, Manila’s real sports teams have more disappointing names — with the exception of the Beermen. I don’t know if this means something else in the Philippines. I hope it refers to men who drink (or are composed of) beer. 

Sometimes your kid starts dating a black hole; this sort of thing often happens. A lady sometimes has to kiss quite a few frogs before finding a prince.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my prince’s underwear needs laundering.