Oh Edward, You Are So Brooding and Mysterious

Did you know that narwhals’ tusks are actually a protruding left canine tooth?

One in 500 males produce the vampiric-looking double-tusk.

It’s probably very appealing to the ladies — only 15% of which produce even a single tusk. (There’s only one instance in recorded history of a double-tusk lady-narwhal).

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You know what else is appealing to ladies? Pale, brooding behavior.

Heck, according to Wikipedia, “narwhal” is derived from the Old Norse word nár, meaning “corpse.” It’s in reference to the animal’s greyish, mottled pigmentation, like that of a drowned sailor.

That’s dark, bro.

Almost as dark as the fact that the guy who played Edward Cullen in Twilight made him “a manic-depressive who hates himself.”

If anyone else can find a Twilight/narwhal connection, feel free to let me know.

Five Fandom Friday: Fiendish, freakish, frightening, futuristic, and/or fantastical Funko figurines.

Am I posting my Five Fandom Friday on the wrong day — or are you  too confined by society’s strictures of time and space?

Think outside the box.

Then get back inside the box, because this week’s theme is Funko Toys. (They come in boxes.)

For those of you who don’t know (hi, Mom), Funko’s a company that makes pop culture collectibles. I own a bunch (sorry, Mom). Here are my five favorites!

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This screwed-up Joker/Batman thing (LootCrate exclusive). I have this and a Domo Batman but no actual real Batman. And I love Batman, even though the vlogbrothers don’t.

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Bloody Hannibal (ComicCon exclusive). He is the most sharply-dressed villain of all time. Down to the pocket square.

6 New 2014-2015 Shows To Kill Winter Boredom

When the going gets tough, the weak watch TV.

Stave off the worst of the winter duldrums with these new shows. The best thing about brand-spanking-new first-year TV is that you can’t possibly be behind. You might even be… ahead.

Today’s topics:

  • sword-making
  • semi-closeted homosexuals
  • pretentious trailers
  • the Daily Show‘s edgier friend
  • a shit-ton of live-action comic book characters

Behold…

What kind of name is Fish Mooney?

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The characters in Gotham seem unaware that they live in an overblown Telemundo-style alternate dimension.

When you start to think that Gotham‘s acting is terrible, you need only remind yourself that the show is not meant to depict reality. It is the essence of stylization. It’s an homage to the genre. Gotham is basically Batman: The Animated Series, in live-action form.

A producer seems to have sat down and said, “Take the craziest shit from the comics, then turn it up to 11.”

Jada Pinkett-Smith replied, “Done. I call Fish Mooney.”

Then someone said, “There is no ‘Fish Mooney’ in the comics.”

To which Jada Pinkett-Smith flipped a table. They just let her have it.

Fill the hole in your heart with costume design!

Philadelphia Comic Con was rich with celebs, vendors, weirdos, and costumes. I absolutely would not be true to this blog if I neglected to show you some of these glad rags. They are awesome.

Let’s open up with a woman who took 6 months to become the Starship Enterprise:

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Never in my life have I so wanted to romance a ship.

Let’s see some more meticulously-crafted sci-fi:

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This group won Best of the Night at the costume contest.

When the judges asked how they made the dinosaur, they replied, “chicken wire and a dream.”