Mother CLUCKER! : My Deli-Style Wall Menu

Check out this old-fashioned deli-style menu I drew!

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This lovely list of grub lives at the Red Rooster On The Go, in Bellefonte, PA.

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The main menu is on the side wall, and the sandwiches/appetizers are above the employees.

Rooster-Banner

It’s a great place to visit. I recommend the pulled pork sandwich!

This blog post was originally about the Oscars, but then it became about Bjork and Batman.

I will grasp onto the very thinnest straw possible as an excuse to throw a shindig.

Doogie Houser, MD is hosting an awards show? Yes. See you there. Or, rather, here.

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We don’t care about football; but I did throw a “Commercial Viewing, Dorito Eating, Oh And Also Sportsball” event. Golden Globes? Partied over it. Taco Night? Regularly. D&D sessions? Hosted. Halloween? Obviously. I had a Memorial Day hootenanny specifically to get people over for fire pit s’mores.

I can’t tell if I’m desperate for attention; if I like an excuse to eat crap; or if I actually like having people over.

Let’s talk Oscar, though.

By “Oscar,” I mean “Oscar dresses.”

And by “Oscar dresses,” I mean “fabulously outlandish (and maybe ugly) Oscar dresses.”

Oscars-FUNSIES

Sometimes, a Delia*s catalog will miraculously take human form. It’s like the Exorcist, but the opposite.

Oscars-Daring

Geena took a moment out of her wedding to hang out with us. She left the cake, her husband, her grandparents — everything — just to be with us. Then she went back and partied hard at her reception.

Not one to be outdone, Whoopi spent many years in a science lab and/or Hogwarts to figure out how to turn herself into a peacock. She got close.

The Things People Steal From Restaurants

Someone has been stealing pepper shakers from my friend’s restaurant.

Not salt and pepper shakers, mind you.

Not the set.

Just the pepper shakers alone.

Wanted-Poster

I’m working on this poster for her. She’s going to put it up in the restaurant.

Hopefully the design will dissuade people from larceny.

However, I’m concerned that people will think:

“Stealing pepper shakers? That’s a thing now? Challenge accepted.”

Petty theft is absolutely commonplace in my town. I use “petty” both legally and as in:

You’re a petty person for stealing such stupid shit.”

Our Zany Universe: Spider Derby Is A Thing That Exists

Duck and cover, because I’m about to drop a truth bomb.

“Spider Derby,” or spider fighting, is a “sport” that actually exists.

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Depending on the spider species, two males or two females fight until:

  • one dies,
  • one falls off the leaf or stick they’re battling on,
  • or an obviously failing one is rescued by its handler.

When “off duty,” the spiders are kept in matchboxes.

Maybe you’re saying “that’s barbaric.”

It’s banned in some areas, but not because it’s mean. It’s because “[children] could spend so much time hunting and training spiders that lessons and homework are missed.” Oh, and because the practice encourages gambling. (In derbies, bets go up to $1k.)

Maybe you’re saying “this has to be happening internationally.”

Yes, it does. Mostly in Singapore, Japan, and the Philippines.

And also… jails in Florida.

Because… Florida.

“In 2002, a fight between three inmates over the theft of a pet spider resulted in life-threatening skull injuries to one inmate.”

Sounds like Florida to me. (To see Florida Man’s most impressive accomplishments of 2014, click here.)

As usual, I suggest you try nothing you see on this blog at home.