Peace out, other species.

Just as I was fresh off illustrating this huge pile of fancy corpses, someone asked me for more.

Full-up on human skulls, I decided to look to the animal kingdom for some inspiration.

DoTD-Top

(They’re black & white because they aren’t finished yet.)

I suppose you could take these as some kind of commentary about how humans are murdering all the other creatures on Earth — but that only occurred to me after I’d finished them.

I don’t usually think too deeply while doodling.

DoTD-Bottom

The first person to correctly identify the species of all six of these skulls (without peeking around the Internet — I’m trusting you) will get a free colorful finalized one in the mail (or in person).

You have to leave the comments here, not on FB!

GO!

Grabbing life by the horns: Faux Taxidermy

We need to open this post up with a Serious Marriage Issue.

My husband does not want me to own this.

Me-Bull

This is in part because he already let me buy one of these.

But mostly, he fears that introducing this gem to the home will open up the door to all sorts of craziness. People will buy us faux-taxidermy schlock and our house will turn into a TGI Friday’s-style crap-on-the-walls affair.

You know what I have to say to that?

Grab life by the horns. 

In the case of faux taxidermy, I mean this literally. If real corpses on the wall aren’t for you, why not put up something artistic, funny, and fake?

Together, now: let’s all put up crafty dead things on our wall.

Behold some inspiration.

Professional-Taxi

Frederique Morrel creates “Passe Murailles,” which are “friends of the family who just happen to show up unexpected. Far from the hunting trophies to which they may bear some resemblance, these are living creatures that have literally poked through the walls in order to deliver their personal stories to us.” (That’s a direct quote. I couldn’t make that up.)

To the right is a pop-together design from Hugs & Hem, whose site encourages you to “go on, design your own chintzy hunting lodge.”

Etsy-Taxi

Etsy has some fabulous options, too! From left to right, these are Custom Creature ($55), Unofficial Deer Lego Kit ($28), and a piece by Anatomically Incorrect Creatures (who is currently on vacation from his/her Etsy shop).

DIY-Taxi

Or you can get off your duff and make one yourself. There are approximately one trillion DIY taxidermy projects out there, but my two favorites were this narwhal and these shiny dinosaurs. There’s something straight-up faboo about having a fictional/extinct creature up on your wall. (Speaking of fictional creatures, if you Google “Official Animal of Scotland,” you’ll be pleasantly surprised.)

I hope that’s enough interior decoration delight to get you through the drudgery of Tuesday-dom. Peace out, Internet!

Muffins, meetings, and being bored out of my mind.

Coworker: “When were these muffins left on my desk?”
Me: “There are muffins on your desk?!
Coworker: “You don’t remember when they arrived?”
Me: “I would remember muffins arriving. Because I would have eaten all of them before you arrived.”

I then ate one. Blueberry!

Forest-Meeting

These are two entirely separate doodles joined with throwaway text.

I’ll bet the animal meeting was mostly them having off-topic conversations with each other, followed by five minutes of rapid-fire slapdash decision-making.

Boring, boring, boring; “can we just fucking vote to get this over with?”; boring, boring.

More-Funsies

Other cultures have much warmer and more colorful motifs than ours.

This is what white people are like:

Super-Lame

Super-boring. Nary a pattern or color in sight.

Take the Pilgrims, for example:

Boring, boring, boring; horrible decision to commit genocide; boring, boring.

When I was a teenager, my grandfather married a woman who called herself Marmee and named her four daughters after the Little Women. At Thanksgiving, she and her numerous offspring (and grand-offspring) sang this prayer in unison — while my family cowered, silently, in the Atheist Corner.

Boring, boring, boring; horrible decision to commit group singsong prayer; boring, boring.

Maybe the problem is me. Maybe that’s why I love drawing, Tetris, Minesweeper, and Candy Crush so much. Speaking of which, I need to go try to beat level 147 for the millionth time this week.

You dirty, dirty rat… Come here and let me hold you.

Rats-BeforeAfter

It’s not prudent to lean over the subway’s yellow “do not cross because a train will decapitate you” line to look for rats.

But I’m not known for my intelligence.

(Honestly. I’m not. In middle school, my brain was decreed a paltry 129, which did not qualify me as “gifted.” Derp, derp.)

The first few days in NYC, I could not find a rat to save my life. I became despondent.

Finally, on the second-to-last day, my husband found one scampering up into a trash can.

“I love you, snuggie!” I screamed at it across the platform. “You just keep on keepin’ on!”

In the ‘burbs, yelling at vermin would be considered eccentric. In NYC, my special brand of cray-cray fit right in.

Here are some non-rat-related shots of our trip:

The club can’t even handle how educational this post is right now.

We celebrate this day of memory with some sketches. (You may note that this is how I celebrate all holidays. I don’t have a lot of hobbies. If I ever celebrate a holiday with skydiving or an evening at the opera, you’ll be the first to know.)

Pippi

Pippi Longstocking & Mr. Nilsson

Poop-throwing is such a pet dealbreaker. My dog tries to eat bottle caps and crawl under coffee tables when he’s in trouble, but at least he doesn’t lob his turds at me. (I’ll try to remember this next time he eats one of my pens.)

Clown-Girl

Unrelated to this drawing (which, by the way, I totally love): I’ve been hearing Bone Thugs ‘n’ Harmony a lot lately. “Crossroads” was a very deep and enjoyable song at the time, but it’s been about 20 years, and I’m not sure why it keeps resurfacing. But good for those guys.

Facts about Bone Thugs n Harmony:

  • “Crossroads” won a Grammy. True story.
  • Their original name was “Band-Aid Boys.” (Did they change it due to copyright issues or just general suckage of the original name? Dunno.)
  • Its members are Layzie Bone, Krayzie Bone, Flesh-n-Bone, Bizzy Bone, and Wish Bone. True fact: I love every one of those names.

To summarize this post: you now know the name of Pippi’s monkey and all of the Bone Thugs. Congratulations: you’re a better, more well-informed person.

Now go get your Memorial Day on and promptly forget all about everything you’ve learned here.