Tag: animals

These 5 sketchbook spreads will make you more stupid.

“Do male Medusas go bald?” 

You can’t un-read that dumb-ass question.

Space Banksy says: “I flew millions of light years to leave my art in your craps!” 

What if crop circles are “real”? Are they the equivalent of a teenager with a can of spray paint?

Are crop circles left by cosmic assholes who are actively disappointing their parents?

“It’s a dog-eat-dog world. But I’m a vegan.” 

To extend the animal metaphor, you can’t win the rat race if you’re not in it. But who wants to be a rat, anyway?

Why are all of the metaphors about getting ahead always animal-based? What does that say about the nature of success? That we lose our humanity to achieve it?

I know. That’s something a nihilistic 14-year-old boy would say.

 

 

Ninja Turtle to Squirrel: “… Dad?”
Squirrel: “Oh hell no. I always use condoms.” 

At what point did Splinter have to tell his kids that they were adopted?

Or did they figure it out on their own?

Donatello: “There’s no one in the universe that Pops could’ve banged to make us come out.”
Raphael: (storms out, breaks stuff)
Leonardo: I’ll go after him, I guess.
Michaelangelo: I’m going to eat my feelings. It’s a 3-pizza kinda day.

Ghosting: “I’m not going to text you back.” 

Was ghosting started by Casper-being passive-aggressive to his girlfriend?

Does your skull hurt from just skimming your eyes over that question?

I hope you found your visit to my sketchbook fun, if not intellectually enlightening.

5 Ink Brush Paintings From My Sketchbook

I’ve begun the arduous frenzy of scanning my last sketchbook. The scanner yawns and shrieks as the images get slurped into the digital realm. I love to touch the pages, feel the bumps of the acrylic and gouges of quill pens, before each scan.

My entire home is filled with skulls. Fanciful depictions, not real ones. My husband has a “no corpses in the house” policy.

^ I can’t remember precisely why I drew this little rabbit boy, but I suspect it had something to do with my in-laws’ tradition of cycling through A Christmas Story repeatedly over the holidays.

Both “dodo” and “poop” are funny words.

Even sideshow carnies need nice home decor. Perhaps especially sideshow carnies.

We lost Gene Wilder this year. I had to take a moment to celebrate Willie Wonka. And the Oompa Loompas.

God love the Oompa Loompas.

Any suggestions for what to draw next?

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A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again: Octavia The Octopus

If you love tedium, I have the crochet pattern for you!

Everyone, say hello to Octavia the Octopus.

Adam1

Her name was originally Ophelia the Octopus, but I was told that was “too depressing.” (See, it’s funny because Ophelia ends up in the water. Literature appreciation can never start too early!)

She’s a Hanukkah present for my friend’s son. 8 days, 8 legs.

I briefly considered sending one leg a day and having my friend assemble her on the other side. Hilarious, right? Again, I got told I could not have the things I wanted.

Octavia3

Ophelia was originally meant to be done months ago.

Here’s why it took so long.

I made the head.

Then I made a leg.

Then I made another leg.

And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

Then I made a suction cup. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

And two eyes. (You’ll notice they’re different from the pattern. I thought the pattern’s eyes were scary for a child.)

Then I sewed the whole kit & caboodle together. Including each suction cup.

Octavia2

I’m not going to lie to you: this was the worst.

If you calculated time spent vs my hourly wage, this is a multi-hundred-dollar octopus.

If you want one for your kid, you can feel free to make one yourself.

The Holocaust. 9/11. The Octopus. NEVER AGAIN.