Attention, Internet! Behold my Halloween fail!
A few years ago at Goodwill, I stumbled upon a fancy gown that some cruel bride had inflicted upon her maids. I purchased it for $5, smug I’d find a purpose for it.
This year I decided to embellish the dress to become the Queen of Hearts.
Alas, the center top wig is not Amazon Prime eligible, leaving me only with the horrible dead-muppet-on-your-head option for cheap expediting. (This, kids, is what happens when you leave things for the last minute). I think I may buy the wig on the right for a future year.
Instead, I’m going to be Little Pete from The Adventures of Pete & Pete.
My husband was already compiling the elements to become Artie, the Strongest Man in the World, this adult in a Where’s Waldo sort of costume who hangs out with the kids. (The 1990s was a simpler time, before the Sandusky trial.) He’s Little Pete’s best friend, so turning myself into Little Pete is:
b) sort of a couples costume.
In that we’re a set, not that Little Pete and Artie are having relations.
I just have to put on a red plaid hat and some baggy clothes from the 90s and I’ll be set. (I also bought some orange hairspray and brown eyeliner with which to give myself freckles. Because gingers.)
My quest for a flannel shirt (not really pictured here, but Little Pete wears them a lot) revealed a shit-ton of expensive flannel. Isn’t the whole point of flannel that construction workers, rough-n-tumble lesbians, and people from Seattle can cheaply wear it?
And now, without further ado: Flannel None of Us Can Afford.
Which of these shirts is under $300? No peeking until you’ve made your guess.
1. Vivienne Westwood Checked Flannel Shirt, Brown, $320; 2. Junya Wantanabe Check Wool Shirt Jacket, $975; 3. Sacai Long-Sleeved Shirt, $618; 4. DSquared2 Long-Sleeved Shirt, $650; 5. Burberry Adken Check Flannel Shirt, $252; 6. Odyn Vovk flannel shirt, $1450; 7. White Mountaneering Shirt, $566
That’s right, kids: Burberry is a steal. Keep that in mind when shopping for the rest of your life.
But drawing Petunia (Little Pete’s tattoo) on my arm will be free.
Happy Monday, everyone!