Celebs, Goths, and the Childfree movement: OH MY!

US Weekly has a feature called “Stars — They’re Just Like Us!” It shows celebrities being profoundly banal.

Like this:

CouldntMakeThisUp

I couldn’t make this up. ^ I’m just not that good a writer.

I wonder who else is misunderstood…

Goths-Just-Like-Us-Big

Back when I wore more black, people were surprised that I liked pop music, avoided drugs, and got straight As. I wasn’t the self-destructive, musically-restricted goth stereotype they’d been imagining. 

Fast forward a few years.

Now I’m “the girl that’s not having kids.”

You know, the “selfish” woman (yes, I’ve been accused of this multiple times). The one who obviously must hate humanity as a whole — but its most sweet, innocent members in particular.

Your-Kids

Look how much hate!

Kids are great. But we Luccis prefer video games, books, drawing, movies, going out to eat, financial stability, sleep, down time, and cursing. Being the “cool family friends who spoil the crap out of the kids” is totally our speed.

Speaking of which, our Little Buddy collection has a new addition.

Meet Baby Evelyn (bottom right)! She looks exactly like her dad, Dr. Math. Which is kind of a pity, because I wanted to make paternity jokes. (Into every life a little rain must fall.) Congrats, Dr. Math & Special K! I look forward to hopefully not breaking your kid.

Lose weight during the holidays? Hah!

My parents’ very fancy gym has a lot of included programming (classes, day care, etc). Their current group activity wall has a big sign that says “Lose Weight Over The Holidays!” Members can sign up for the program and, I imagine, win prizes for winning the most.

This is horrific. Lose weight over the holidays? That’s doing it wrong.

Holidays-For-Eating

I’m not saying you should endanger your health by self-administering an IV of grease and melted-down sugar cookies.

But maybe December isn’t the time for a full offensive.

Maybe playing defense — holding the line — is enough.

Put me on the planning committee of YOUR next event.

Bridal showers and baby showers would be far more interesting if we could fly overhead and literally shower the gifts from the sky.

But things like “etiquette” and “the fact that maybe somebody would die” get in the way. As they always do whenever I want to do something cool.

WEB-TwoImages

To the left: a graphic from a Hannibal-themed bridal tea.1

(1 Disclaimer: the bride is a fannibal, but I imposed this theme. No human carcasses will be served, to my knowledge.)

To the right: a literature-themed2 baby shower. Purple is the best color so of course my friend’s kid is going to rock it.

(2 I also imposed this theme. When you’re throwing/designing these events, you get to plan them however the hell you want.) 

My friend also has a tattoo I designed. I’ve made her life super-stylish.

My homegirl Amber really likes bright, geometric designs. She had a couple of blank garments lying around, so we decided to draw up some designs and test the limits of our vinyl cutter.

Amber’s a long-haired vegetarian hippie who digs Native American culture, so I drew up a motif that was reminiscent of the American Southwest. (Despite the obvious influences, this is an original piece of artwork I made from scratch.)

Navajo

This process involved a lot of mathematics and careful maneuvering in Illustrator!

I split each color into a vinyl cut. Amber and I then appliquéd each color carefully to the sweatshirt, ending with the yellow to tie it together.

Amber-Rocks-It

Success! Amber has been prancing around the store gleefully all day.