The Surprisingly Easy Way To Ditch 40% Of Your Wardrobe

I discarded 40% of my wardrobe today, talking smack the whole time to the losers. I said stuff like:

– “You chafe my armpits and have to go.”
“You require a slip and that’s bullshit. Thanks for your service.”
– “You are boxy and weird.”
– “You are doing my chest no favors.”
“You are a Janet-Jackson-caliber wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.”
– “You are a crutch for my ‘ugly’ days and must leave.”
– “You make me look like a prairie woman.”
“Does polyester burn? Because you deserve to burn.”

All-The-Clothes

I started The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up to figure out how the fuck someone managed to fill up 200 pages on “tidying,” then dupe people into buying it.

Then I realized I was hopelessly in love with the author, who seems like a fussy old lady but is actually a very fetching young Japanese woman. She’s all about keeping only useful, beloved objects in your home, and treating them with love. (A great summary of her beliefs is here.) Her sort of Shintoist, animism-infused beliefs annoy Christians (1, 2), which I find funny.

I decided to try it myself.

I hauled all of my clothes out of the closet/drawers and dumped them on the bed. I held each item up and determined if it “sparked joy.”

It was touchy-feely nonsense, but it worked. I got rid of 30-40% of my wardrobe in under an hour.

You should try it.

How To Use And Abuse Adobe Illustrator Patterns

IĀ spotted this pretty patterned picture a few days ago and knew I had to get in on that bright, happy flower power.

Our-Lady-Patterns-Final

I got so zesty about this that I created a custom pattern:

Custom-Patterns

It was a brain-fiesta, and I’m pleased as punch.

If you want to make your own pattern, I recommend this tutorial. It explains the processĀ much more succinctly than I ever could.

I’d wander off on some rumination about serifs, the odd adaptability of the dog genome, or how Guy Fieri got into all of these old paintings.

Be grateful that other people exist.

Get The Look: Casual Friday Joker In Her Living Room

When I saw this incredibly gorgeous, terrifying Joker mask on Etsy, I was hooked. (Wrong word, considering how this thing looks?)

I briefly had a regular feature called Looks Inspired By. It even had its own Tumblr. I discontinued the feature because Everyday Cosplay & Disneybound were doing it better.

But fuck it. I’m bringing it back, because I found wallpaper and a chair that looked like padded walls in a psych ward. It’s a sign.

Joker-In-Living-Room

The Joker’s a particularly weird character because nobody seems to know where he came from, or what he’s up to off-screen. He pops up, causes mayhem, and vanishes.

Does he have, like, an apartment? Is he an annoying neighbor, or is he the guy banging on the ceiling to “keep it down!”?

What does he eat? Does he cook it himself?

Where’s he going potty? Where’s he showering?

Do the pretty girls at Ulta throw him shade when he goes in there to buy his foundation?

Does he read? Does he have cable? Does he crochet, or collect stamps?

I’m just saying, there are a lot of hours in the day. He can’t possibly be harassing Batman for all of them. I want answers.