Don’t worry about timing: I accept gifts all year long.
If 5 items isn’t enough, my full tea-related Etsy list is here.
I discarded 40% of my wardrobe today, talking smack the whole time to the losers. I said stuff like:
– “You chafe my armpits and have to go.”
– “You require a slip and that’s bullshit. Thanks for your service.”
– “You are boxy and weird.”
– “You are doing my chest no favors.”
– “You are a Janet-Jackson-caliber wardrobe malfunction waiting to happen.”
– “You are a crutch for my ‘ugly’ days and must leave.”
– “You make me look like a prairie woman.”
– “Does polyester burn? Because you deserve to burn.”
I started The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up to figure out how the fuck someone managed to fill up 200 pages on “tidying,” then dupe people into buying it.
Then I realized I was hopelessly in love with the author, who seems like a fussy old lady but is actually a very fetching young Japanese woman. She’s all about keeping only useful, beloved objects in your home, and treating them with love. (A great summary of her beliefs is here.) Her sort of Shintoist, animism-infused beliefs annoy Christians (1, 2), which I find funny.
I decided to try it myself.
I hauled all of my clothes out of the closet/drawers and dumped them on the bed. I held each item up and determined if it “sparked joy.”
It was touchy-feely nonsense, but it worked. I got rid of 30-40% of my wardrobe in under an hour.
You should try it.
I spotted this pretty patterned picture a few days ago and knew I had to get in on that bright, happy flower power.
I got so zesty about this that I created a custom pattern:
It was a brain-fiesta, and I’m pleased as punch.
If you want to make your own pattern, I recommend this tutorial. It explains the process much more succinctly than I ever could.
Be grateful that other people exist.
I love the idea of a mixed-up workout of the day, but the ones I’m able to find are usually too hard. I’m pretty sure I would die doing one. So I started making up my own. These take about 1-1.5 hours to do each. If you’d like to try them, God help you. Consult a physician beforehand. And possibly during.
When I saw this incredibly gorgeous, terrifying Joker mask on Etsy, I was hooked. (Wrong word, considering how this thing looks?)
But fuck it. I’m bringing it back, because I found wallpaper and a chair that looked like padded walls in a psych ward. It’s a sign.
The Joker’s a particularly weird character because nobody seems to know where he came from, or what he’s up to off-screen. He pops up, causes mayhem, and vanishes.
Does he have, like, an apartment? Is he an annoying neighbor, or is he the guy banging on the ceiling to “keep it down!”?
What does he eat? Does he cook it himself?
Where’s he going potty? Where’s he showering?
Do the pretty girls at Ulta throw him shade when he goes in there to buy his foundation?
Does he read? Does he have cable? Does he crochet, or collect stamps?
I’m just saying, there are a lot of hours in the day. He can’t possibly be harassing Batman for all of them. I want answers.