Antiques stores smell moldy and they activate my asthma, but I can’t get enough of them.
I want to buy everything inside them, the creepier/uglier the better. I want to surround myself with these hardscrabble discards. We would form an army that eventually overthrows the system.
When my husband vetoes my selections, I photograph them so I can always remember them.
Here are 2017’s top 5 did-not-buy antiques:
This little Gloomy Gus got left behind in the Rapture. Look into his cold eyes. He knows something we don’t — something unspeakable.
This fella has the distinction of being the Mayor of Jaunty Walks.
This is the first of two horse items upon this list. Take a moment and just admire the normalcy of this horse, constipated as it is.
WHAT THE EVERLOVING —
I deeply regret not buying this.
And finally, the boobie portion of our show.
This “plus-size” mannequin reminds me of the Venus of Willendorf, in the best way possible. I don’t know where I’d put her, but I definitely would never clothe her. She deserves to present her glory all the time.
At some point, I’ll have to inventory all the stuff I did buy, which is an equally long list full of almost-as-preposterous crap.
My impulse control only goes so far.