Category: Comics

My Application to The Avengers Initiative and/or League of Justice, Whichever

Batman vs Superman blew chunks.

It’s time we all admitted that Superman needs to go — and I should replace him.

Behold my lovingly illustrated application.

Backstory

The hottest fires forge the strongest steel.

Intelligence

This spatial memory also assists with directions. Sometimes.

Strength

I am very dedicated to self-improvement. (That’s Falcon up there.)

Struggle

I can be undone by pollen, dust, cats, hay, cold, and exercise. This makes my character well-rounded. Nobody loves a Mary Sue.

Charisma

I may not always be riveting, but some of my competition is weak sauce.

Finale

In the end, the Avengers and the League of Justice admitted me to their ranks.

What does your superhero self bring to the table?

Oh Edward, You Are So Brooding and Mysterious

Did you know that narwhals’ tusks are actually a protruding left canine tooth?

One in 500 males produce the vampiric-looking double-tusk.

It’s probably very appealing to the ladies — only 15% of which produce even a single tusk. (There’s only one instance in recorded history of a double-tusk lady-narwhal).

Mysterious-Edward

You know what else is appealing to ladies? Pale, brooding behavior.

Heck, according to Wikipedia, “narwhal” is derived from the Old Norse word nár, meaning “corpse.” It’s in reference to the animal’s greyish, mottled pigmentation, like that of a drowned sailor.

That’s dark, bro.

Almost as dark as the fact that the guy who played Edward Cullen in Twilight made him “a manic-depressive who hates himself.”

If anyone else can find a Twilight/narwhal connection, feel free to let me know.