5 Dreadful Decorating Choices In This Cabin

My New Years experience was lovely: friends, board games, alcohol, taking turns making delicious home-cooked meals.

The only (slight) party-dampener was how fugly our cabin was. To say nothing of the musty smell or the plethora of itchy bug-bites I now possess.

Let’s investigate the worst design choices.

1. Sticks on the wall

“The cabin is in the outdoors, so I guess ‘outdoors’ will be my motif. I’m not one of those sheeple who spends money at big box stores. I’m going to ‘shop my backyard.'”

It’s possible for this to work!

… Or one can opt to simply hammer branches and twigs to the walls. In every room of one’s home.

2. A sad magnet situation

There were two magnets: one that said to clean up, and one that was an image of a television.

The television is unfathomable to me. If there are only two magnets, and the TV is one of them, it must mean something right? But what?

3. Giant murder-saw on the wall

I feel like the FBI would solve at least two cases if they swabbed this thing.

4. A placenta smeared on a canvas

“Mom, I know you had an artistic ‘vision’ — but was it necessary to ‘upcycle’ my placenta into ‘art’?”

This painting was very bumpy. The FBI should swab it, too.

5. That chair

“It’s, like, Southwestern,” a fellow cabin-goer said. “Maybe kind of Native American?”

Is this the work of “Elusive Fawn Who Designs Textiles Badly”?

Or did someone else step in and warp the natives’ identity into something weird, ugly, and unnecessary?

… kinda like Johnny Depp as Tonto?

We’ll never know.

This vacation home is doomed to be a mystery, wrapped in an enigma, wrapped in a burrito, wrapped in a blanket, involved in a grizzly murder, and drowned in tears of mediocrity.