I tested the strength of my marriage today.
Our trial under fire was the pilot of Fuller House.
I could not pass up an opportunity to watch this throwback trainwreck.
My husband collapsed into a puddle of sighs and despair at the suggestion.
We watched anyway.
Here are my top 5 Fuller House thoughts:
1. The women aged nicely. The men — not so much. Except Uncle Jesse, of course. HAVE MERCY. Is this because women have more societal pressure to wear makeup and maintain a certain size? Or is it that women on TV tend to be more attractive in the first place (even during the original run)?
2. This is the most white show I have ever seen. There’s one Latino character. He speaks with an exaggerated Spanish lisp and cheats on his wife. I get that the Tanners happen to be white — but the inclusion of the terrible, racist Latino character is worse than none at all.
3. The inclusion of a laugh track highlights where the jokes fail. And they fail at least 90% of the time. We’ve entered a more sophisticated age of comedy that relies less on sight gags, repetition, tropes, 20-year-old callbacks, and two-dimensional characters. I do not want to return to the pre-30 Rock era.
4. They haven’t updated the kitchen since the 90s. And you know how I feel about beige kitchens.
5. I can’t look away from Jodie Sweetin’s surgical choices. I know where her eyes are. I am not looking there.
You aren’t looking there, either.
I daresay they perked up the experience — but they weren’t enough to save the show from itself. I doubt many people will bother past the pilot, and that’s for the best.
