Ray-Gun Arms and Other Dating Features

Single people: stop saying there are “no single guys” where you live. 

That’s not true. There are plenty of single men near you.

Just not many that you’d let past the velvet rope into the exclusive club that is your lady-stuff. (Or man-stuff. You know. Stuff.)

I’ve hunted very carefully in your town, and I’d like you to know I’ve found a few eligible bachelors to try out.


If you can get past his belief that the media is a tool of the New World Order to keep the masses in line, this guy is a spontaneous, compassionate lover.


He will expand your intellectual horizons and help you become better at arguing. You will dump him via text.


He seems like a time-traveler from the future. It’s probably the ray-gun arm that gives that impression.


You’ll dump him… after that trip with his family to Maui. Priorities.


Every song he sings at karaoke will be about your relationship, and he’ll stare at you the entire time. Whether this is romantic or horrifying is up to you.

Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs before you find your price.

At least your legs will be shaved when Mr. Right eventually shows up.