BLAH. Someone give me a GOOD HORROR MOVIE.

Despite the fact that I’m blogging about the following media, they’re “nothing to write home about.”

MEH2

It Follows (horror movie, theaters).

Proposal: Cancel all Sex Education classes until the end of time. Show young people this instead.

Premise: If you have sex with an infected person, you are Followed. A shape-shifting monster follows you on foot, never stopping until it gets to you. (It’ll kill you.) If you pass on the infection, it’ll Follow the new person — but if that person dies, it reverts to you again.

Plot: A young woman has sex with a guy she’s seeing. He ties her down and explains this system to her. By the time she calls the cops, it’s revealed that he’s basically nobody, and she has to deal with this on her own. Her surprisingly tolerant friends take pity on her and try to help out, but it’s hard to defend against a potentially un-killable something they can’t see.

Feelings: Meh. Though creepy and weird, this film wasn’t terrifying. My husband and I had a heart-to-heart about how between this and the Poughkeepsie Files (see next review), we have yet to find the Next Great Horror Movie.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes (horror movie).

You’ll have to dig around the Internet to find this, but it’s out there. Don’t worry — you can skip it. This is like V/H/S, sort of, with you watching VHS tapes of screwed up murder sessions. The torture-porn is interspersed with a “documentary” about the murderer. The ending contained no twists or reveals. Disappointing.

Trigger Warning by Neil Gaiman (new release, Kindle).

I liked this collection, but wasn’t in love with it. The stories therein felt more interested in playing with language than telling stories. I wandered through it pleasantly, but I’m not sure there’s much about it I’ll remember afterward.

Lemon Oreos (for your mouth).

Unlike the disappointing Red Velvet Oreos, these taste like the thing they’re supposed to.

Yum, actually.

Gotta end the post on a happy note!