Christmas Suggestion For Difficult People: Boozy Bounty

Stuck this Christmas on what to get the drunk who has everything? 

Your solution is here: Fancy drinking stuff.

It works for everyone! During the holidays, even people who don’t typically drink may turn to the sauce to survive family gatherings.

These gifts may go a long way.


1. Let’s start easy: this Gluggle Jug ($46.50) can pour any liquid you’d like. I imagine most people actually use it for water. It makes a fabulous “glug glug” noise when poured as air and water slosh through it.

2. Whoa. Change gears. Let’s go handmade, recycled, and fancy with this $230 triangular wine rack. I like the fact that the bottom holds glasses.

3. Want rustic without actually paying money? Is your intended recipient, perhaps, a redneck? Then this aptly-titled Redneck Wine Glass may be just right. It’s made in the USA (rednecks love that) and is touted as a “great gift for guys.” I’d like to take a moment to publicly call out guys. One can get a chick food, wine, something sparkly, etc. What does one get a guy? DAMMIT, WHAT DOES ONE GET A GUY? Y’all are difficult to shop for. People are turning to Redneck Wine Glasses. You deserve it, you cryptic douchebags. ($11.80 each). 

(As you can see, I am using this blog space to take out some of my marital frustration.)

4. Personal opinion: one might have to be drunk to think the Zodiac makes any sense whatsoever. If, however, you have a loved one who believes in all this hoo-ha, you can get them a $24.50 stopper in their month of choice. I actually think these are really beautiful. The only downside is that there’s no Ophiuchus.

5. Prank: get your giftee tipsy before opening this gift, then insist there’s nothing wrong off about the bottle‘s shape at all. See how long you can hold a straight face. $10.

6. I know there are two slumped glass items in here, but I’m really into that right now. This cheese plate ($29) is one of a variety of alcohol styles available online. This says, “Yeah, I drink. But let’s focus on getting our calories from cheese right now.”

As a sort of depressing closing note, despite the “little problem” joke, alcoholism is serious business. If someone’s “little problem” is actually a “big problem,” please get them help instead of giving them hilarious gifts. We don’t need any more incidents like this. Hypothermia is a gift no one wants to receive.