I’ve kidnapped your dog and your underwear!

A few days ago, I grabbed the townhouse’s laundry and Fuzz-Butt (our dog) (not his real name) and went over to the house.

I put the dog in the washer and the laundry in the back yard.

When the laundry didn’t romp or chase squirrels, I realized the error of my ways.

My husband must have been delighted to receive this text:

“I’ve kidnapped your dog and your underwear!”

His follow-up questions were:

“Did you just take the underwear? I had other laundry, too.”

and

Do you know how to use the new laundry machine? Does it take some kind of special detergent or anything?”

I replied:

“Oh no! I didn’t read the instructions! I just put ANY OLD THING in the detergent drawer! Also, the house is on fire, and the dog has escaped into the woods.

Manila-Folder

As you can see from the illustration above, that is, of course, not the case. Because I am the Queen of Laundry Day.

I knew to buy special HE detergent for the new washer because, duh, I am not going to throw several hundred dollars at an appliance just to have it explode because I couldn’t be bothered to skim a pamphlet.

You may notice that my self-portrait is a little different.

It’s because I got a very trendy haircut:

LAWL

It’s super-fun.

I’d like you to know that I almost didn’t post this photo because my face looked fat in it.

But then I remembered that I have a massive cranium in all photos. Because I have a massive cranium, period.

People seem pretty psyched about the hair. Or they’re just being nice. I’m not sure; and honestly, I’m so busy basking in compliments that I don’t care.

Notes about other drawings:

Manila drawing: My husband exists for puns.

Upon researching Manila, I stumbled across the site for Star City, Manila’s bomb-as-hell theme park. Congratulations, Star City: you’re now on my bucket list. Sadly, Manila’s real sports teams have more disappointing names — with the exception of the Beermen. I don’t know if this means something else in the Philippines. I hope it refers to men who drink (or are composed of) beer. 

Sometimes your kid starts dating a black hole; this sort of thing often happens. A lady sometimes has to kiss quite a few frogs before finding a prince.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, my prince’s underwear needs laundering.