People scatter ashes in Disney parks? Put me in the Haunted Mansion!

As tempting as it is to leave grandparent-dust in the Haunted Mansion forever, you’re not supposed to do that.

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People are allegedly leaving their dearly departed in various attractions, including the Haunted Mansion, Pirates of the Caribbean, and It’s A Small World. Special janitors have to come in and handle it. 

Guests are possibly breathing in corpses on certain rides.

Cool.

I mean, uh, horrible. Just horrible.

There’s absolutely no goth-y part of me that finds that fascinating and a little bit wonderful at all. Nope.

But seriously, I want to go back and keep an eye out for people with family-baggies now.

I’ll take any excuse, really, to hit Disney World again.

I’ve always been a little bit obsessed with Disney. That’s not sarcasm or hipster-ism. (It’s suddenly become cool to like Disney, as the Hot Topic Disney department demonstrates.) I’m not finding it again — because I never grew out of it in the first place.

I’ve never grown out of anything. Naps, cartoons, and stuffed animals are all clutch. I’d probably still suck my thumb if it weren’t for peer pressure when I was seven-ish to quit.

How you reconcile that part of my personality with the part that’s fixated on cremains is up to you.

Five Fandom Friday: Guilty Pleasure Edition

This week’s 5FF is guilty pleasures. I’m so embarrassingly lowbrow that most of my geeky joys come from this category.

I’ve (sadly) whittled it down to the top five:

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1. Space Cases. I still watch at least an episode a month of this slightly-terrible 1990s Nickelodeon sci-fi show. Something about it’s right. Like Doritos, or the perfect bra.

2. Plushy & doll tie-ins. Oh look! It’s a cute version of something I like! I’ll take five. (The worst offenders are these damn dolls. They’re taking over my house.)

3. Low-budget sci-fi. Give me your tired! Your poor! Your UFOs dangling from a string!

4. Sexy villains (and anti-heroes). Loki and Bucky/Winter Soldier rule Marvel. Morgue is my & my husband’s favorite person on Freakshow. We’d all rather hang out with Harley and Joker than Batman and Robin. Heaven’s nice, but Hell has all the interesting people.

5. Robots. Big or small, complicated or simple, humanoid or angular, with or without feelings. My favorites are Data (Star Trek), Bender (Futurama), Agent Smith (Matrix), the Daleks (Doctor Who), the Jaegers (Pacific Rim), THELMA (Space Cases), and Wall-E. I prefer funny ones that are on the verge of self-awareness. All shows would be improved with an android companion.

Other things that didn’t make the cut include:
– reading fanfic
– complaining loudly about all the good shows getting canceled
– SyFy Originals (movies or shows)
– ogling pictures of cosplay
and
– looking up actors from old TV shows on Facebook to see how they’re doing.

That last one’s creepy.

We should maybe have a Five Fandom Friday that’s like “what’s the creepiest thing you’ve ever done, as a fan?

I’m sure people have done some damn creepy things.

3 Movies You Should See: Jurassic World, What We Do In The Shadows, Inside Out

Movies rock. They’re perfect: short, emotional, funny, and pretty. When they suck, they’re only 2 hours; when they’re awesome, you can see them again and again.

Here are a few films I wouldn’t mind seeing again:

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Jurassic World (5/5 stars, theaters): In this movie, Jurassic World (a successful Jurassic Park) has flagging numbers because people are getting bored of the dinosaurs on offer. They decide to boost park attendance by creating a new dinosaur with oodles of new cross-bred features.

Except, whoops, they made it too smart. Dammit.

So it tears the park a new a-hole. Chris Pratt and his sort-of-domesticated Velociraptor Motorcycle Squad have to handle it.

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This actually happens. ^

Tons of stuff explodes. People die. People get attacked by Pterodactyls. The T-Rex from the first movie makes an appearance. Jimmy Buffett makes a cameo in which he runs from dinosaurs holding 2 margaritas.

I’ve been told by many people that he film is stupid and riddled with plot holes. (Like no Jeff Goldblum, and the fact that Chris Pratt keeps his shirt on the entire time.)

Well, obviously. The entire franchise is dumb. But come on. Live a little. 5/5 stars anyway.

Shadows

What We Do In The Shadows (5/5 Stars, Amazon Prime): Welcome to the anti-Twilight. This mockumentary is schlumpy, unattractive middle-aged New Zealander vampires. Despite their ability to fly and murder people, they are wonderfully banal. They argue over who does the dishes. They have trouble finding victims and deciding what to wear.

This movie’s shot like The Office. It’s awkward. There are long silences. People look at the camera. Characters say really stupid things.

I personally adore the mockumentary genre. I loved Best In Show, Borat, and Parks & Rec. This is a great addition to the cannon, if you like that sort of thing.

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Ads That Are Memorable for the Wrong Reason

The annual Lemont Strawberry Festival was halfheartedly promoted with a few hand-drawn signs scattered around town.

The signs were so ugly and forgettable that my husband said he could do better.

I said I could one-up “better” — I could make something very, very memorable.

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Icky, right?

Creepy and ugly ad campaigns are my favorite. Consider, for example, the tattoo-worthy Burger King:

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This is not a guy you leave alone with your sister.

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4 Not-Quite-Beach-Reads That I Technically Read At The Beach Last Week

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Best American Non-Required Reading 2013 // Dave Eggers (editor): There’s a brief, fun segment in the beginning — after which every one of these pieces is depressing in some way. Though many parts are beautifully written, there is no relief from the sadness. I want to recommend this, but I can’t. It’s too much.

Antifragile: Things That Gain From Disorder // Nassim Nicholas Taleb: The unexpected is going to happen eventually. No matter what tragedy happens, someone always profits. This book is about positioning yourself to withstand — and even gain from — the unexpected. There are tons of really cool ideas in here, but I kept getting distracted by the fact that the author is an asshole. It’s still worth reading.

Flight of the Silvers // Daniel Price: Each parallel dimension has its own natural laws. When 6 people are transported from our dimension to another with different physics, they have innnate powers. And are, of course, being hunted for study. It’s not flowery prose, but the plot’s interesting. (It reminded me a little of the 1990s Tomorrow People.) I look forward to the next installment.

A Tale For The Time Being // Ruth Ozeki: This story’s mostly about a bullied Japanese girl, her depressed father, and her Zen Buddhist great-grandmother. That part — the bulk of the plot — is contained in a journal a Canadian woman finds on a beach. The novel cuts back and forth between the journal and the woman trying to hunt down the girl. This book isn’t just a novel; it’s also about philosophy, technology, nature, and Schrodinger’s cat. Though the Canadian woman’s pretty boring, I still recommend this one.