A Long Dark Teatime of the Soul

When I have a birthday coming up, I find myself wondering:

“Is my life a dumpster fire?”

It seems like I have my shit together. I have a family, friends, and a great job… But am I missing something important?

I drew a picture of the things I care about to make sure I was checking all the right boxes.


I also made a list of things I very much do not like:

Cars, clothes, calories, celebrities, Christmas, religious stuff, astrology, bad breath, cleaning, technical stuff, body shaming, mean people, politics, and talking about money.

As Super Starling! enters October — the best, and most bloggable time of year — you will be seeing more of the former, and less of the latter.

I’m working on a few new features for the blog that you should see soon. There might even be an editorial calendar in play. More creating! Less Candy Crush!

During this renovation, I’m going to be removing a few things that basically suck. This includes the tutorials tab and the style tab. I find writing tutorials and fashion-y things tedious. Those sections are ghost towns. (The posts themselves, should you care to find them, will still exist.) Ennui permeates those posts. I made them because they seemed like something a blog like mine should have. They’re not a Thing I Care About.

Bye, Felicia.

In the meantime, as this blog’s tinkering begins to come to fruition, please enjoy the following images:


I think putting pets in clothing is stupid, but I still do it.


Jeff Goldblum the yard dinosaur did this without any prompting whatsoever.

He’s basically one of those Pinterest Moms who effortlessly put the rest of us to shame.

In summary, happy October & stay happy, Internet!

Why I Feel Bad For Contemporary Germans

When you think about Germany, what do you think about?

Real quick.

No, stop trying to generate a lie. I know what you were thinking.

Nazis. You were thinking about Nazis. Big ol’ heil-ing, goose-stepping, Captain-America-fighting genocidal maniacs.

Which sort of sucks for contemporary Germans, who are just trying to eat their schnitzel and bratwurst in peace. Modern day Deutsch are haunted by the ghosts of Oktoberfest past.

Or, in this case… vampires.


Eichorst on the Strain is a quintessential old-school Nazi villain. He gets immortalized in Nazi form and continues being classically racist in the present day.

It’s uncomfortably like listening to grandparents’ diatribes.

His idea of a zinger is accusing the show’s protagonist of being Jewish, because that’s the worst thing he can come up with.

“Your family’s name sounds a little… Eastern European! SWISH! RIMSHOT!”

Sorry, Germans.

The Strain not going to assist you with your image overhaul.

Jane Goodall Wants To Believe

Because I’m me — and not someone with better life skills — I got trapped in a conversation with a Bigfoot enthusiast last week.

I don’t trust people who don’t believe in Bigfoot,” he said.

“Absence of evidence is not evidence of absence,” I hedged.

“Exactly!” he said.


The man ranted about how Jane Goodall believes in Bigfoot, too. (Turns out, that’s sorta true.)

My beloved Alyson kept goading him into talking more.

I eventually excused myself on the premise of getting more food in the other room. Once again, food saves the day.

I love cryptozoology (check out all my cryptozoology-related posts!). Love it! But I don’t believe in it.

Humans are basically an algae bloom upon this earth. They’ve fanned out, populated, and polluted almost every nook and cranny of the planet.

There’s plenty more to discover, but it’s probably not going to be a Squatch.

That’d be the coolest thing ever — but unlikely.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I think there’s cheese somewhere else I’m not eating.

5 Things That Happened During The Month I Forgot About This Blog

Whoops. Forgot I had a blog. My bad. Sorry, Mom.


1. I hiked Watkins Glen, an orgy of waterfalls and gorges. The Finger Lakes is a gorge-ous place.


2. I got a second tattoo, of a death’s head moth (top). I illustrated the original illustration for the tattoo artist to apply. It’s a reference to my love of Hannibal/horror/reading/movies/Silence of the Lambs.

The hairs there are from my dog shedding into the moisturizer. Which is gross, but not as gross as the back hair people were joking about on Facebook. With friends like these, who needs enemies?

The bottom tattoo is Alys’. We got the tattoos together, because TWINSIES. So Goth. Very wow.


3. I crocheted Clyde the Yeti. He likes jazz music. We share a classic pear body type.


4. I designed this logo for an ice cream pop company. Delicious.


5. I was my husband’s muse. Behold this portrait. It’s me, imagining cake.

As you can see, I am the second-best artist in the family.

I should hand this blog over to him.

He’d probably update it.